Unappreciated

Have you ever felt that every single thing you do is just unappreciated in the family. Everything you do, they just want more from you. Nothing is ever good enough for them. Always being compared to what they don't have, why other people's kids can do this & I can't. Why can't they just sit down and understand from my point of view for once. Other kids out there in the world are taking drugs, clubbing, gambling, smoking, and not even bother to study. I am not like that, why is it just not enough for you? Why must you compare with with those who are doing more then me? Kicking out of the house just because I voice out my feelings? Is this even fair? Talking to me like trash.. and when I voice out my feelings and anger it's wrong. Am I not human too? Please don't say that I don't appreciate you based on your assumptions. Please don't say that I don't respect you when i just want my opinion to be heard. Sometimes I just want you to talk nicely to me like other parents, praising their kids when they deserved it. Everything I do is taken for-granted, everything I do is just too little and unworthy for you. & when I said what I did, all you can say is 'SO LITTLE, AND YOU WANT CREDIT?"

Since young, never once have I had any single praise from you, everything is just not enough for you. Stupid, unless, fucker, idiot, good for nothing, everything that can be said to condemn me have been said. Never once thinking of my feelings. You say I don't appreciate you, NO ONE LIKES BEING UNAPPRECIATED. It takes both hands to clap, why can't you appreciate me first too? I appreciate, that's why I do the things you ask. But when I do something, you take for granted and say that it's something I should have done. When i don't do something and get scolded useless. What am I supposed to do? And when i ask you to tell me, you say i should be 'automatic'. It's really difficult being being a daughter that then please you. Being filial is not enough, i can't even voice out how I am feeling. I'm just so tired. 

Suddenly, I remember many years ago I felt like this. No one will listen to what I have to say and or understand how I feel.. I thought my parents have started to understand me, but i guess not, it's the same since so many year ago. nothing has changed. No one understands me, not even my parents. Can't even tell my boyfriend, he won't even bother to listen nor understand. I guess I've gotta live life as it is, understand that it'll always be like this, work hard, earn money to buy a house, live my own life & find happiness in dramas and games.