What am I supposed to do,

I'm tangled in thoughts, this train of confusion, in reality or fantasy.

& I ask myself:

What the hell are you doing, Why are you doing this, How much more can you take, Why are you making your life more complicated than it already is?! Help. I've reached a new low. 

Congratulations angelseah, you should just give up talking to people in a whole, maybe life would just be a whole lot simpler like that.

2013 maybe,
frustrated- signing off*

:(

Thoughts..

Another few more days to the start of a new year & thinking back I have nothing to regret but at the same time anxiety sinks in for the uncertainty for year 2013.

Resolution for the new year is to continue to love what i do & never regret any of my decisions. Sometimes one really do forget about the things we stand by in life, to just relax & enjoy the ride so at your best you can be happy.

You are your greatest enemy.
always remember that.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS ❤ 

*-New Direction-*

Quite a busy month this December, hanging out, eating, shopping, freelancing, looking out for more event jobs and meeting people i love.

And of course, Christmas! Always a time for giving. 
& when people actually start doing 
random acts of kindness for one another, 
it's really heartwarming to see ♥ 
Oh, & to receive presents haha, :>

Been sick on and off the past few days & I hope to get back to my 100% asap because there is just too many things to be done. 

Final Theory Test | Birthdays | 

Christmas shopping | Gift exchange | 

Get nails done & hair dyed | 

Ugh black roots 

Time is never enough 

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

Hopeful person,

Paddle-pop Roses ❤ 

I put people to a test once in awhile. 
But sadly, so many failed. It's disappointing, truly disappointing. 
Always a moment of doubt, honesty, all's just meant to be. 
Take one step a time, no worries. 

:D , angelseah-*

If you're not gonna bother, i'm not gonna care either.

All is but a facade

I need a getaway, to place without constant accuse & falsified lectures from the parents. They don't see my tears of disappointment. Please give me the strength to live on & never return to this forsaken misery. Just where can I go? There's no one to go to when one needs help, what a world.

Replying people with a smile on my texts, a tad too happy. Nobody knows my sorrow tears behind'em, hate myself sometimes, I'm a fake. I envy an open minded family, why can't I have that? :l

Troubles & sadness,
just need a bear hug, 
to cry a river of tears &
tomorrow will be fine.


Fuck this family for I don't have one. Never had.

Choices

Can't you see it in my eyes, those words of doubt & assumptions. 
Don't know where to start, nor do I know how to begin. 
Can time reverse a year back, to where we all first met.

Afraid to lose only but to let go.

Sucks when your past creates a barrier for the present, 
such that in reality,
everything changes.

angelseah :/

Saving up a whole lot! :D Sometimes I get irritated of childish people who don't know how to save money, to at least have a tiny bit of personal savings. What, money don't fall from the sky alright? :<

Remember December

In a blink of an eye, another two days left to December & 2012 will soon be coming to an end. Will next year come and go this quickly too (?) How will it be like,  can this be the start of something new.

Gonna start looking for more jobs, 

a need to get my expenses covered.

Hello 1 month in Korea :D :D :D

But first, I'll have to stop shopping & eating & spending.

Aah, pretty clothes..yummy food.. woes.

#money#fashion#food#games

#travel#photos#babies#peace#love

#angelseah,#signing#off

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

Take care whenever, the path might seem long so stay strong. I'm afraid of change, afraid that people will change into everything they said they'll never be. That's why i'm forgiving, forgetting & letting go of hurt, because I understand people makes mistakes & to take one as a friend, I forgive the unforgivable. 

Sorry may has become just another word.

-& life goes on,
peace out

Remember December

It is difficult to find a steady friend these days, having someone to hang out with no strings attached. Everybody is changing & I feel like I am the only one getting out of touch, slowly falling behind.

Those short times we had together, circuitously I know that I am not that one for you. That's how I really feel, call me a hypocrite but I didn't mean to deceive, life is too short for negativity so move on for better things in life that worth your attention and time.

Thoughts,

Goodbye.

Quote of the day

Don't push away the people who truly care about you, because one day, you will push them away, and they won't come back. -Blackalogy

My bottom line.

Moving on

Will there be a day when people stop envying other people? About how they're constantly feeling envious and depressed about everything and their lives are so imperfect... when they don't realize how fortunate they really are to have 'somethings' that people in this world are dying to have. Take a look at other 3rd world countries for example.

I hear a lot of spite, envy & complains on people who put others down, or people who put themselves down. There will always be that one ungrateful person who cannot be contented with how they're living & sadly, that person will never truly be happy.

Amen,
angelseah♥ 

Inadequate

It is complicated to be me sometimes, an act to make people happy when another is living a lie.

Feeling more & more tired everyday,
can't feel veracity in the words you say.
Conversation is tough compared to the past,
the difference we have is worlds apart.

Same old same old,

Cheers.

BEAUTY IN THE EYES

I have been thinking long & hard that I would like to get my double eye lids done next year in Korea. Asking myself am I being too greedy to want this much? Everyone says my single-eye lids are nice because they are big enough. But I am only asian Lol.

Set my mind to it for awhile now, 50% yes maybe? I don't know... What if I regret?

Listen to your own voice, your own soul. 
Too many people listen to the noise of the world, 
only to end up forgetting themselves.

21st Resolution: 

Tattoo!!!!

Yay, Nay?

Officially Sick

Sometimes i ask myself why do i torture myself like this by eating KFC when I know that i am unwell, only to end up with a sore throat, cough, runny nose, blocked nose & headache. But it's only healthy to be sick once in a while because, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Drayden the smiley baby <3

He's adorable, a gemini too.
 Just like me!

:D :D :D

Thank you,
for clearing my doubts. 
Didn't regret leaving you

 congratulations, you really are an asshole. 

& I'm truly glad I left.

post with a million meanings

A voice at the back of my head is telling me that i am not ready, but how do i handle this? I ask myself every single day, but this question is truly a tough question to answer because it entails looking at myself, my beliefs, attitude & behavior in a honest way which is never easy. Really hate rushing into things, I need a few months on the sidelines to sort myself out. 

An act that i hate, is this all life's fate? 
Not now, but when will I fully recuperate? 
Oh dear, finding back myself won't be easy, 
sadly because I've already forgotten me.

Woes, 
Goodnight.

Motivation

Time to plan out my resolution for year 2013, I always think it's just a year, number of days, as long as I am breathing and living up everything it'll be okay. In a blink of an eye, people around me has gone on with their lives after high school while I have nothing accomplished. 

I don't want to be that useless person in the society, I want to be able to earn my keep in life to have a comfortable future. I know that if I continue lazing around like how I've been in the past 2 years, I would, sadly be that useless person I don't want to be. Too late to cry over spilled milk & what's planned in time to come i hope to achieve. Bachelor of Business majoring in Marketing & Tourism, tough but i must persevere.

Alas,
Time really flies,
Youth,
only one period of time,
that I can never have it back

Love, angelseah

Judge to condemn.

Just when I thought I can finally take a break, hoping that there won't be more dramatic happenings coming up anytime soon... 

Oh who am I kidding honestly

Dear human nature,

Why, oh why do people judge by making assumptions? We all hate it when people judge, judging can't be avoided but to be wrongly judged is a mistake. Why can't people find out the truth before innocent ones are accused? 

I want to talk to a complete stranger, where all my problems can be dumped onto someone else's shoulder, someone who doesn't even know a single thing about you & someone you can trust to know that he/she won't even judge you. People who judge mindlessly is frightening and makes one feel confused to not know what he/she has done, will avoid such people in the future. Sometimes, it really is a blessing to have friends who spits out the ugly truth about you in the face instead of behind your back.

Period cramps in the middle of the night, 
lower back hurting and pain killers ain't helping. 
trying to get some sleep, with cold sweat.

Mood: annoyed and frustrated

Goodnight, 
peace.

Sniff sniff sniff

Felt sick but didn't want a break, because I felt the need to spend more time with you. It's frightening to think of what will happen in time and I am terrified.

Food almost seems like a close friend to me now and its not necessarily a good thing, health and figure wise. Getting flabby is not pretty! Just very overwhelmed and occupied by the recent good things/someone in life that i have nothing to complain about.

Tough times ahead, there are simply a lot of things to be done and fixed. The beginning of a new journey, problems & complications that lies ahead. Is this what life is, making our path as difficult as possible so we learn to appreciate our future? Sigh, life is complicated, and I need to compensate for the hurt i've caused. I'll try my best even when i know my best is still not enough, fight through all that & good times will come.... I hope?

Will sleep now, nose killing my eyes. All for now, xoxo.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." ~ Marilyn Monroe

Hmm...

If love is all about reciprocate; then I don't think it's selfish.

Dear you,

Let's fall and embrace each other, tell me what's wrong or right. Thank you for guiding me, and lighting up my way. Chariot me, cause you're oddly the only one. With everything that have been bringing me down, I know it's you who I can run to, back to you in safe arms. Just when I thought you are the usual come and go, you tell me you come to stay. That words and action of yours, as steady as anything, made you oddly the only one that I know I could never avoid, cause you are my safe-heaven when a bad day falls. How you caught me off guard is indescribably you. & I want to thank you for being here. Holding a smile here, we don't need that name to prove us but I need the closure. Being with you, even once in a blue moon is enough to start a fairytale story. The kind we know that we are still in love inside but least mentioned together. 

Life is gonna be mundane when you’re gone.

Dilemma

How do i choose between someone who I've lost feelings for months ago only to wish that i can go back in time to search of those feelings back. While the other whom i cannot possibly give my faith to because of the words he wrote. Call me insecure but i don't want to feel like a substitute, afraid to make the wrong choice & only to see it happen again. 

Unfortunately, a decision like this isn't always as easy as flipping a coin. At the same time i brought this on myself & i deserve the pain and anguish that i brought upon.

Questions in my mind, can't say that i'm fine.

I know there has to be just one. 

I need an affirmation, an assurance.

I don’t know I just feel like I should stop thinking about it but I can’t. Maybe I’ve seen too many movies, you know, love at first sight. What do you think about love at first sight? You think you can love somebody just by looking at ‘em? But the thing is, man, I felt like I knew her. You know. You ever get that feeling? - Blue Valentine

Afraid & Confused

I don't want just another bad romance story, I want a beautiful awakening from within.. That I have always yearn for, chivalry seems dead these days. It's so selfish that everyone wants or expect something from that someone, but I guess this is how it suppose to be. Time to decide & plan wisely, one mistake, gonna cost me a regret.

Look after you - The Fray

The meaning of this beautiful love song, about a feeling so strong toward love.

"if i don't say this now , i will surely break" , showing how if he doesn't tell her he loves her, he will for sure be broken because he can't contain his feelings any longer.

The chorus "Be my baby & there now steady love, so few come and don't go. will you, won't you be the one i'll always know" - His proposal to her to become his, asking if he'll be the one in their life.

In return he offers to "Look after you & if ever there was a doubt, my love she leans into me." He promises to take care of her, and if ever there is a slight confusion, stir, suspect, he is the one she can rely on.

"Its always have and never hold" - He always have her but never yet had her and wants to take the next step to fully justify his love for her hoping to create a new chapter with her.

&

"You've begun to feel like home & what's mine is yours to make your own" She's the only one for him & that even she leave or take he is always hers.

To remind me true love exist,
Time really flies, alas.

Don't know why

I am playing dota 2 on my lousy old laptop which i think is going to burn up & go bsod on me soon. So far so good because i'm winning every round with bots being an amateur and all, funny playing with Yee Fong when I couldn't differentiate between him & the other bot heroes. Thought a bot was him for quite sometime before asking why was he not killing anything only to then realize that he was no where near me the first half of the match :| So damn noob wanna cry

Wanting to play with Desmond as he is also a new comer in the team, contemplating to wait another few more days before teaming up since i've only been playing for less then half a day.

Shall go play another round right now, alone ;(

"When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
God I'm so confused,
please split me in two"

- angelseah

NEXT

Finally blogging again after so long. Which means that life is good, days are smooth and no-drama which is what I hope for it to be. 

However, this normality did not last as long as I thought it would.

What will you do when someone you trusted at that moment in time forsake you in times of trouble? Still had the guts to ask why he/she always don't have friends. Well, I decided to become your friend am truly sad to say that i really regret knowing you. Now I finally understand why you don't have friends. Lol.

9 out of 10 people bitch & love gossiping, it's a healthy way to bond with friends. We can't judge people for bitching or gossiping because we do too, it's only fair. 

Despite that, there's a bottom line to draw when bitching too. 

To why you've got no friends: Riona

1. You bitch about people I* don't even know, downgrading your own friends when I'm just a stranger to them. I don't want to judge anyone w/o knowing them.

2. You hate your friends behind their back but act as though you like them when you meet.

3. You complain about how you dislike friends copying your style when you do it too.

4. You actually bitched about my friend (right to my face) of 5 years when you only know her for a year. Wow, the courage.

5. You dare use my words as your own, making it as though I'm the one that talk shit.

6. You like to assume about tons of things & instantly judging everything at face value... not bothering to know or try to find out the truth before judging.

7. You get angry almost at random times, making one feel clueless what he/she had done wrong. When you don't even tell them why.

8. You say that you hate this friend who constantly criticize and scold people everyday but ahem... you do that too.

9. You contradict yourself and do things that you said you never ever will the next.

10. You lied to my friend making her believe your story when there are many loop holes in it. Do you think we're stupid?

11. You always get angry, it's okay. You don't explain why, it's okay. But it's not okay to complain to other people who only listens to your pov.

12. You make yourself look pitiful to make people stand by you.

13. If you hate me so much as to block me, please don't do things that you've learned from knowing me. Quit working the event jobs i introduced to you, quit looking for jobs from places I've told you about. I don't want to see you tbh.

I tried to ignore your many bad points even when i found out everything bad about you, but ended up getting badmouthed about behind my back instead. Truth is, i did not bitch nor badmouth anything about you to my own friends nor friends that you know of at all. I know you said things behind my back but I kept quiet and personal about it. 

But this time, things have changed. I'm not going to be stepped on by a bitch like you. I'll tell the entire world about the real you if i could. If you're telling me that i too have bitched about my own friend, yes i don't deny that. But, let me tell you this. The complains I made wasn't a secret at all because my friend knows it, because I always complain about them in front of them. LOL.

I told you '习惯就好', guess you're just stupid enough to not think about it. 

Goodbye fake friend.

Cheers,
angelseah

Mood: Pissed

We will always meet that one person, who brags about his/her money but do not have the guts to return what he/she has borrowed. Oh look at people with the money to buy everything, got money to eat abalone and wear Rolex but no money to back what they owe...... is just disappointing. You say that money is not the problem, I think that's a load of bullshit. Kindly return what you owe & I'll not judge.

Thinking about it makes my blood boil.

End