Late Night Thoughts

Feeling drained recently and work has been giving me a massive headache. Helping a colleague at work that doesn't know how to do anything. Also, problems with shipping arrived earlier and I don't know how to break this bad news to my boss. He ain't gonna like it and it's gonna be on me even though it's not really my fault. There's also a huge pile of work not done on my part and there's only 2 weeks left till Chinese New Year!! Ah... its hard... T^T...*Deep breaths* But I can do this... one step at a time. Focus.

I think I've lived my life long enough to learn how to bury emotional pain and conceal hurt, because acting indifferent or nonchalant feels easier. I do wish for someone who can truly understand my way of expressing feelings though, someone whom I can talk to without getting shut-down in between or pegging my rant as something not worth getting stressed up and upset about. Sadly, I have yet to meet one. It's also depressing that everyone puts my "angel logic" down too, making it a bad thing and not bothering to understand where I'm coming from either... Instead I laugh it off and honestly, it's kinda despondent. Everyone only "thinks" that they understand me but I'm just misunderstood. 

Trying to stay positive... putting up a strong front everyday... and acting like everything's alright even though I'm on the verge of breaking down. Sometimes I ask myself... shouldn't i be used to it by now? People are always thinking for themselves. Selfish. After all, it's been 25 years...

People see me as someone that has no stress, no worries, no commitments or concerns whatsoever. But that's not true. Overall, I just look like a happy go lucky kid not because I am, but because I try my best to be. To be a good person in this very corrupted and judgmental world. It's hard, but at least I try.

Someone asks why don't I rant on twitter, facebook or Instagram like everyone else? Well, my reason is simple: I don't want to spread negative feelings to others. There's too much hate and flaming going on these days and rants like this are pointless because nothing is gonna change. I don't want to seem like someone who is constantly dissatisfied and always has something to complain about. It's not worth it anyway.

Cheers~
angelseah signing off.

Resolutions For 2018

Reminder to myself:

1. To give more than receive, to give without expecting anything in return. It's not easy to be honest. There is always this tiny bit of hope inside of me wishing that people will reciprocate... but it's sad to know that people these days only prioritise happiness for themselves and not for others. And If everyone insists on receiving without giving, then who would each person receive from? 

2. Only say good things, give more compliments, say thank you more instead of always saying sorry. Help people willingly and never put others down. Don't judge and criticise people on how they look, because no one likes being called dark, fat or ugly. Even if you think of it, don't speak of it, because it just makes you look bad.

3. Accept that not everyone is the same. What good you've done for others, don't expect that they will do the same for you. Understand that people are all for themselves at the end of the day. Don't count on people remembering what good you have done for them or even think that they will return their gratitude and most people are selfish or blinded by money.

4. Don't let negative words or actions affect you and never let emotions get the better you. It's not easy when my mum communicates by scolding and shouting. Take a deep breath, don't argue back because it's not worth it. Hugging your pillow and frustrate yourself to sleep works too.

5. Be content with what you already have and appreciate the simple things in life. Do what's right, not because you should, but because you want to. Even when everyone around you is spreading negativity, complaining about life, being angry, unhappy, troubled, depressed, remember to not be the same, instead spread love, happiness and remember to give thanks everyday regardless how big or small.

Good luck for 2018, Fighting!