Late Night Thoughts

Feeling drained recently and work has been giving me a massive headache. Helping a colleague at work that doesn't know how to do anything. Also, problems with shipping arrived earlier and I don't know how to break this bad news to my boss. He ain't gonna like it and it's gonna be on me even though it's not really my fault. There's also a huge pile of work not done on my part and there's only 2 weeks left till Chinese New Year!! Ah... its hard... T^T...*Deep breaths* But I can do this... one step at a time. Focus.

I think I've lived my life long enough to learn how to bury emotional pain and conceal hurt, because acting indifferent or nonchalant feels easier. I do wish for someone who can truly understand my way of expressing feelings though, someone whom I can talk to without getting shut-down in between or pegging my rant as something not worth getting stressed up and upset about. Sadly, I have yet to meet one. It's also depressing that everyone puts my "angel logic" down too, making it a bad thing and not bothering to understand where I'm coming from either... Instead I laugh it off and honestly, it's kinda despondent. Everyone only "thinks" that they understand me but I'm just misunderstood. 

Trying to stay positive... putting up a strong front everyday... and acting like everything's alright even though I'm on the verge of breaking down. Sometimes I ask myself... shouldn't i be used to it by now? People are always thinking for themselves. Selfish. After all, it's been 25 years...

People see me as someone that has no stress, no worries, no commitments or concerns whatsoever. But that's not true. Overall, I just look like a happy go lucky kid not because I am, but because I try my best to be. To be a good person in this very corrupted and judgmental world. It's hard, but at least I try.

Someone asks why don't I rant on twitter, facebook or Instagram like everyone else? Well, my reason is simple: I don't want to spread negative feelings to others. There's too much hate and flaming going on these days and rants like this are pointless because nothing is gonna change. I don't want to seem like someone who is constantly dissatisfied and always has something to complain about. It's not worth it anyway.

Cheers~
angelseah signing off.