Happy Twenty-Twenty

Heyy love, just wanna say thank you for being my greatest motivation, thank you for getting me a hairdryer just so that I can blow dry my hair when you're not around, thank you for sharing your food with me even though it's not enough for you, thank you for driving me home and waiting for me to bathe just so you could blow dry my hair no matter how late it is or tired you are. Thank you for not being grumpy when you're tired. Thank you for cooking yummy breakfast for me and going the extra mile to make me smile.

In so short a time, you have gained a permanent place in my heart.

Lastly, thank you for being mine.

Happy New Year

What is Love?

Everyone around me has been asking this question....

"Why don't you go find a boyfriend?"

And I'll always reply with....

"喜欢的不出现，出现的不喜欢"

I've also been telling the people around me that getting a boyfriend has never appeared in my mind. I like being single... I'm comfortable being alone. I rather live a high quality life being single, than be stuck in a bad relationship. 

But honestly, it's actually not the case.... and the truth is, I'm just feel extremely afraid of getting hurt once more and I have no guts to give love another try. Even though I feel that I have gotten over the past relationship, my heart still stings when I think about it. I acknowledge that I have an extremely high expectations for relationships.. and the trauma of countless arguments, being lied to, hearing friends get cheated on, divorce cases, disappointments, being let down, broken promises, expectations vs. reality, I can still remember the pain of my heart shattering, getting depressed, crying everyday, tearing up suddenly, being tired and emotionally drained. 

I am traumatized. I am afraid. What if this happens again?

Somebody save me. But I don't know if I want to be saved.