Happy Twenty-Twenty

Heyy love, just wanna say thank you for being my greatest motivation, thank you for getting me a hairdryer just so that I can blow dry my hair when you're not around, thank you for sharing your food with me even though it's not enough for you, thank you for driving me home and waiting for me to bathe just so you could blow dry my hair no matter how late it is or tired you are. Thank you for not being grumpy when you're tired. Thank you for cooking yummy breakfast for me and going the extra mile to make me smile.

In so short a time, you have gained a permanent place in my heart.

Lastly, thank you for being mine.

Happy New Year

What is Love?

Everyone around me has been asking this question....

"Why don't you go find a boyfriend?"

And I'll always reply with....

"喜欢的不出现，出现的不喜欢"

I've also been telling the people around me that getting a boyfriend has never appeared in my mind. I like being single... I'm comfortable being alone. I rather live a high quality life being single, than be stuck in a bad relationship. 

But honestly, it's actually not the case.... and the truth is, I'm just feel extremely afraid of getting hurt once more and I have no guts to give love another try. Even though I feel that I have gotten over the past relationship, my heart still stings when I think about it. I acknowledge that I have an extremely high expectations for relationships.. and the trauma of countless arguments, being lied to, hearing friends get cheated on, divorce cases, disappointments, being let down, broken promises, expectations vs. reality, I can still remember the pain of my heart shattering, getting depressed, crying everyday, tearing up suddenly, being tired and emotionally drained. 

I am traumatized. I am afraid. What if this happens again?

Somebody save me. But I don't know if I want to be saved. 

Expectations Vs Reality

Just. In. A. Mood. To. Rant.

Love is to me not letting anyone bad mouth you or letting the one you love get the shorter end of the stick. (Instead of laughing along with others or turning a blind eye saying its none of your business.) Love to me is to make sacrifices for the person you love to be happy, because you don't want them to feel sad. Love to me is also not by using money, gifts and superficial means, instead, love to me is honest and straight forward like how we're like when we were kids, love is endless giving through words, attentiveness and thoughtfulness, love is never having to guess or ask for it. Love is being able to give 100% of my love and to be able to receive 120% back in return in order to keep the fire burning. The only fight I want in a relationship should only be fighting to show who loves who more.

"What can I do more to make her happy?"... "A wife should be doted on, whatever my wife says goes."... "In this entire lifetime, there's not even enough time for me to look at you, so why would i waste my time looking at others?" Attentive, doting, dependable, giving you a sense of security, trustworthy, thoughtful, affectionate, kind, honest, reliable, there for you when you need him (even when it's inconvenient), growth oriented (a guy who won't say it's your problem and this is the way he is and you need to deal with it). Someone that gives you emotional support when you had a rough day instead of giving you a matter of fact advice that might be useful but hurtful to you when he doesn't empathize with what you're going through or make you feel better.

Love to me is, even when the whole world was to go against you, I will fight against the whole world for you. Love to me is, if you are able to make me feel like your queen, I will do whatever it takes to make you a king.

My expectations are so high i'm never gonna get married Uwuuuu. LOL Just kidding. Can I just transverse into novel world or anime world. Been reading so many time travel novels these days, mostly about fighting and martial arts and hellawesome mecha fights! BUT the MLs are still husband material (even though it's not a pure romance novel) 

Men like that only appears in novels though.... or giving a benefit of doubt, maybe 0.01% in the entire universe...(#aka aliens) ._.

HAH. Goodbye.

A Low Quality Love is Inferior to a High Quality Solitude

Reading a huge amount of C-novels these days and its affecting my already non-existent social life.

Not that I mind.

Completed reading - Full Marks Hidden Marriage: Pick Up a Son, Get a Free Husband (许你万丈光芒好)

Currently reading - Ghost Emperor Wild Wife (鬼帝狂妻：纨绔大小姐) & Adorable Food Goddess (萌妻食神)

Love strong female leads + cold and aloof but behind-the-scene loyal and affectionate (Tsundere) male leads! 

And also like Tsunderes with a bit of child-like/innocent personality, those that gets overly protective and jealous easily when their MC gets 'stolen' by someone else, and makes a fuss about it. Those kinds are sooooooooo cute!! 

Men like that are everywhere in mangas and novels but not in real life, why??? Tchh.

Click to see → Why are Tsunderes so Attractive???

My love life's a mess #2

Received your contact request from skype, accepted it and then felt like blocking you again. Every time I log into skype, I see our last argument that caused this break up and re-reading it reminded me why breaking up was the right thing to do. I was seething with anger at that time because it wasn't the first time such thing happened and you still gave excuses, tried to argued back, even better, not a "i'm sorry" until 3(?) weeks later. 

Thoughts:

I can't bring myself to be someone that is able to be heartless to an ex, but talking to him like how a friend would (as compromised), DOES NOT mean that I'm giving him a chance. Sigh, what should I do? I don't want to hurt him again and it also hurts me to have to repeat myself so many times.. Why do I feel that he just doesn't understand that there's absolute zero chances of us getting back together? Am I giving false hopes? I'm sorry for the misled. It's frustrating when he's still persistent about 'getting me back' even after I have made it clear to him I'd rather just be friends or none at all. I thought I didn't have to repeat myself but recent actions made me feel like my efforts of making things clear went down the drain, if it continues I'm starting to think that we'd be better off as strangers. To make things worse, our friends still thinks we'll get back together, encouraging us to patch and all. Stop it already... 

Don't promise a future friendship

Definitely don't tell him that you can still be friends because you could mislead him into thinking he has another chance. Men claim they can handle it but deep down think, “Great, I still have time to change her mind.” or “Maybe she’ll come around if we just keep hanging out.” And that’s not a true friendship.These guys will hang around and pretend to be your friend. When you get involved with someone else, they flip out or try to sabotage your connection. They’re angry that you “used” them when in reality, you were just being a friend. It’s best just to move on.

My love life's a mess #1

I'm bad at love. Romance stories and playing otome love games are cool but when comes to own love life, it's a mess. 

Christmas presents arrived early this year and I received Haikyuu!! Tsukishima's Nendoroid (not cheap) from two different guys, one a friend whom I've know for years ( and the other, an ex. Thoughts like "is this an obligation gift or his declaration of love?", "Should I ask? Can I accept it? What should I do if it's a declaration of love? Please be an obligation gift." Ugh, why does things like this always happen to me. 

I'm a bundle of nerves when rejecting someone, I can't handle an awkward social situation well at all and maybe it's the anxiety or tension, my head hurts like mad after that. Stuffs like this stresses me out af. It's difficult for me to speak the truth when I know it's going to hurt the other party, and saying "i'm just not psychically attracted to you and I'm not exactly feeling it you know?" is not easy for me.

Either way, I always feel emotionally shitty, guilty and terrible sorry after, so I'd appreciate that he would take a hint and don't ask the d-question at all.

Warning: DO NOT put your hand on my thigh (or anywhere else below my shoulders) ever again during a movie. Unless you are my boyfriend, you're invading my comfort zone.

♡ Voltage Inc. ♡

The land of hot men in suits, ties and everything nice ♡

Been playing Voltage's games for a long time since 2013(?) Only a few friends know that I have a private folder in my phone dedicated solely otome games and thinking back, i used to hide these games because I was positive that people would totally judge me for it Lol. While Yan Chin calls it the 'hentai folder', Chanel just thought I was crazy to spend all my money on a game. ◔̯◔

AND FINALLY (after so long!!) Chanel gave my awesome men the game a try and her first story which was Eisuke from Kissed by the Baddest Bidder got her seriously obsessed with the game!! (heehee) She start playing every single story I bought and even raged at me when I didn't buy the guy she liked. Pfffhhh (งಠ_ಠ)ง .....

Yan Chin also started playing voltage recently and her first story was Miyabi from Enchanted in the Moonlight (wooooo!) because I know she LOVES her foxes. (like Tomoe from Kamisama Kiss / Ahri in League) Yeah. I mean, just look at this guy's /fox/ayakashi (doesn't matter) hotness!!

 ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

(WELCOME TO MY VOLTAGE FANDOM GIRLS :D)

Yan Chin says I play too much otome games that's why my expectations of guys are so ridiculously high. Butttt buttt!! I like the guys in such games because they are all old-fashioned-gentlemen! and Chivalry in men is a very attractive thing indeed (●♡∀♡) They love hard and you can definitely feel their sincerity through your phone lol. On top of that, they are also consistent in showing their love. One thing this game thought me was that consistency is really important in a relationship and it keeps the fire burning. Consistency to me means I like you enough to keep trying, to create a lasting bond, to be part of your daily routine, to know that you're always here for me and I can always count on you. I'd like a love that I can justify without any uncertainty or having to doubt that love even once...

I need consistency.

To know that they love you and you can count on their love.

To fall in love with a person a little more each day.

I don't wanna feel that 'dead-end-relationship' feeling anymore.

I know my kind of love is unrealistic but I don't want to settle for anything less.

It's unfair to the other party if I can't to give all of my heart in a relationship. 

Because it's all or never. To give my 1000% maji love (anime pun hahaha) 

Goodnight!!

ONE OK ROCK!

Time Check: 3:11 AM.

Oh-ho? I'm in love with Taka's vocals.

ONE OK ROCK's "Wherever You Are" on repeat.

Goodnight world :)

I hate this evil place

I hate certain people sometimes, acting all big shot and mature.... while treating you like a kid, saying how they know everything in a boastful manner. No one bothered to ask what I'm thinking and start to judge, all they think is I'm angry I don't listen to explanations & I don't put myself in another's shoes. 

Especially that judgement talk came from the one I cherish most. It's upsetting. I'm learning not to talk so much, since they don't get it. Then I give up.

Right now, you are only liking the things I can give, not for who I am, nor what I like. I didn't know you think of me as such of an unreasonable person. Always listening to you friends instead. If happiness instead means to feel so much hurt, then I've given up being happy. Because no amount of happiness can make me feel less hurt then I already am. My heart is crying but no one knows.

You know what's the best ways to avoid affection. Don't talk. Then you won't miss anyone. The world is so big, I am just a small human that wouldn't make a difference anyway. 

 
irony,
angelseah.

4 + 1 theory - by Zachary Liu

True love or fickle infatuation.

Based on this idea that whenever we like someone, we go deeper into what is it that draws us to him or her. However that's merely an infatuation. But when more than three of the aspects from this theory are present, you can be pretty sure that it’s more than just a feeling. 

Mind. Heart. Body. Soul.

1. The Mind Aspect, Intellect

The way she thinks, processes and analyzes things beyond a shallow self-centeredness. The way she puts across thoughts not for winning an argument’s sake, but to understand or even sensibly debate opposing views that might leave anyone reflecting on her words or make one think differently. 

It’s the way she carries herself off with an aura of sophistication and enigmatic charm, that no matter how much I might already figure her out, she’ll still surprise you with something unexpected. And to talk endlessly about the concept of nothing, only then will you be able to talk about everything else.

2. The Heart Aspect

What really matters to her, her insecurities, fears, likes, dislikes, everything. To understand each other’s heart and learn to accommodate each other’s differences not ‘because I love him and that’s all that matters’. But to care or find out the little things about you. It’s not a matter of whether it bores him or not.. it’s a matter of whether he bothers or not.

Two people need to give and take, for any kind of relationship to work. If he really loves you and you're important to him, he'd take a greater effort to close the gap in differences between you two.

He’ll show it by the things he will do or be willing to do no matter how inconvenient or silly it might be, just because he knows it’ll make you happier or better. Two people wanting to understand each other.. sharing the good, the bad and possibly a future together; supporting each other’s feelings, values, dreams, thoughts and emotions.

3. The Body Aspect, Physical Attraction; Intimacy and Presence

I think the whole love at first sight concept is bullshit that only exists in movies and fairy tales. In reality, it isn't love but probably lust at first sight. Lust at first sight, that momentary attraction or desire– That’s really just a superficial physical attraction. 

Which leads to

4. The Fourth Aspect. Soul

The deepest form and the final affirmation that should answer any remaining doubt or questions as to whether we've truly fallen in love with a person.

It’s when you start noticing but still appreciate all the other little things - the flaws. It’s when you truly know a person stripped down of all their walls, exposed to their soul and yet still accept and love him or her. 

A level of understanding and acceptance, when you finally realize this is someone that you'll always want to tell everything to; and want to ask/know everything of as well. 

It’s when you actually want to share your life and trust your secrets with this person; and you can. This person cares and will really listen, giving you their undivided attention and genuine love; This one person makes your problem their problem and they go through it together with you just so you don’t have to go through the pain and tears alone.

❤

We often and will find one or two aspects in different people, that alone may be enough to make us attracted to them. That is not love, it's just liking the body and/or mind aspect of a person.

But on a rare occasion when you do meet someone who possess all four of these aspects. You’ll almost definitely know that he/she is not one of many but may just be the one.

So don't settle for anything less.

day to remember

Time Check: 630am / Saturday
Location: Bedroom
Day: Saturday 27.04.2013

 

Excited for USS & woke up too early for my own good :l
Picnic Basket that Shu Kiat & I came up with
❤ Sandwiches
❤ Egg Mayo topping
❤ Special Sardine topping
❤ Ham & Cheese
❤ Lettuce & Cherry Tomatos
❤ Pasta Rotini
❤ Pasta Sauce with bacon & minced meat
❤ Japanese Special Crab Stick
❤ Cheese Sausages/Chinese Sausages
❤ Seaweed Chicken
❤ Fruits
❤ Water WATER W A T E R.
Maybe it's a lill too much. Hurhurhur
BUT! Dad agreed to fetch us to USS! BEST DAD EVER.

And I want to give Shu Kiat a big 

 

T H A N K   Y O U 

 

for his VIP tickets to USS.

I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready I'm Ready

Daaahahahahahaha ohmygodmyboilingwaterrsdnfclsdcm.Kbye

angelseah, out D;

If there's a soulmate for everyone

The one person that you always wanted, the one person that you can make you happy during difficult times, the one person that can give you the trust you need and be comfortable with; is nowhere to be found. Then again I think if you're in love, why have such thoughts? 

& later you ponder, maybe it's not love, maybe it's just another non lasting bad romance. Sometimes, friends just might surprise you with their confession, but I am taught to not take things seriously & What is the 'what if' between us will just remain as another wonderment for us to not feel sorry about. 

In a way, I still need to change from all those repeated scene.

Always having this problem. All this repeated burnout scene.

'Cause everybody's somebody's fool.
Everybody's somebody's play thing,
and there are no exceptions to the rule.
Yes, everybody's somebody's fool.'

I am a fool, angelseah

Back at your Door - Maroon 5

 

I hate feeling that i need him more than he needs me. I hate asking for more when i know that there is only that much he can give. I hate feeling selfish when i am keeping him from finding someone better. I hate putting him through all this nonsence, but i feel that if this situation can't come to a consensus, I we won't be happy. For better or, for worst..

Getting depress makes me strong in another way.  I wish someone would fathom how I am feeling now, just read my mind. Truth is, I am not strong enough, and if loving him is hurtful, caring about him brings sleepless nights then I am a failure. Sigh

❤, angelseah
i want to feel more loved, is it that difficult for you to give?

Surmise

He says what he likes, he does what he likes, like it doesn't matter. I guess i have to act like i don't care because it is easier that way. Somethings are not meant to be when people just don't appreciate. Somethings that we're warned, but still repeat the same mistake. Someone that you love & cherish much, doesn't seem to be able to last... Because it hurts too much to love you, i am not strong enough, i feel like giving up.

 

The world is a dangerous place to live -

not because of the people who are evil

but because of the people 

who don't do anything about it

- Albert Einstein

 

angelseah

Confession

'Heyloooooo dearest blogspot! I'm in the office right now practically dying from boredom because my in-charge hasn't arrive yet & I am stuck at projects costing page, haven't got a clue how to continue. Oh-noo D;

- : I've always been afraid to lose you, so I kept a distance to hide my honest feeling that I actually liked you too. Waiting seems forever when you disappear, your words & actions makes me think that you can find someone else to love so easily that made me held back. Afraid to make you feel controlled & lose your freedom when you tell me you'll leave if there's such a case. All these insecurities from the start, I guess the more I hid my feeling, the more I fell. But now I'm taking a step at a time, to enjoy our moment together without regrets. I'm happy to have met you ❤

Xoxo, angelseah

Quotes

'Sometimes, is it better to not exist? 

But if that means i'm not gonna know you at all, 

i would rather be alive and suffer the consequences. 

If the existing of pain and tears means love, 

then yes. i love you.'

xoxo, angelseah

*-New Direction-*

Quite a busy month this December, hanging out, eating, shopping, freelancing, looking out for more event jobs and meeting people i love.

And of course, Christmas! Always a time for giving. 
& when people actually start doing 
random acts of kindness for one another, 
it's really heartwarming to see ♥ 
Oh, & to receive presents haha, :>

Been sick on and off the past few days & I hope to get back to my 100% asap because there is just too many things to be done. 

Final Theory Test | Birthdays | 

Christmas shopping | Gift exchange | 

Get nails done & hair dyed | 

Ugh black roots 

Time is never enough 

┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

Hopeful person,

Paddle-pop Roses ❤ 

I put people to a test once in awhile. 
But sadly, so many failed. It's disappointing, truly disappointing. 
Always a moment of doubt, honesty, all's just meant to be. 
Take one step a time, no worries. 

:D , angelseah-*

If you're not gonna bother, i'm not gonna care either.

post with a million meanings

A voice at the back of my head is telling me that i am not ready, but how do i handle this? I ask myself every single day, but this question is truly a tough question to answer because it entails looking at myself, my beliefs, attitude & behavior in a honest way which is never easy. Really hate rushing into things, I need a few months on the sidelines to sort myself out. 

An act that i hate, is this all life's fate? 
Not now, but when will I fully recuperate? 
Oh dear, finding back myself won't be easy, 
sadly because I've already forgotten me.

Woes, 
Goodnight.

Hmm...

If love is all about reciprocate; then I don't think it's selfish.

Dear you,

Let's fall and embrace each other, tell me what's wrong or right. Thank you for guiding me, and lighting up my way. Chariot me, cause you're oddly the only one. With everything that have been bringing me down, I know it's you who I can run to, back to you in safe arms. Just when I thought you are the usual come and go, you tell me you come to stay. That words and action of yours, as steady as anything, made you oddly the only one that I know I could never avoid, cause you are my safe-heaven when a bad day falls. How you caught me off guard is indescribably you. & I want to thank you for being here. Holding a smile here, we don't need that name to prove us but I need the closure. Being with you, even once in a blue moon is enough to start a fairytale story. The kind we know that we are still in love inside but least mentioned together. 

Life is gonna be mundane when you’re gone.