Creating Heaven On Earth

Been very intrigued by tarot card readings and I have been watching them daily for almost a month now.

I have to say it's.... spiritually liberating.

Subscribed to several tarot divine readers on YouTube, while some of them didn't feel accurate, most of them truly resonated within me. Crystals, healing, cleansing. All of it.

They're also great motivators and listening some of them has woken me up from feeling lost and down. They're always encouraging me to do what's right. Somehow they always know what has been weighing me down or what I've been stressed up or worried about. I've been also watching horoscope specific tarot reading for myself and it's comical how they always describe Geminis as confusing. LOL

"It's already there, waiting for you to take that leap of faith. To take the chance and grab it.
So Gemini, what the hell are you waiting for? You Gemini, don't know what you want.
Stop thinking too much Gems." - Exasperate Tarot Readers. 

Haha. True, confused and like to overthink.

I chose deck 4. 

I wanted to choose another deck at first but felt resisted and anxious for no reason. Something at the back of my mind was whispering to me that it didn't feel right and instead a vortex is pulling me towards deck 4... Some might say it's the mind playing tricks with you but I'd call it a connection. 

Deck 4 speaks about how the people that chose this deck feel that they never could fit in, always easily misunderstood, always hoping to change the world to be a better kinder place. Foolishly giving unconditional love to people that hurt them time and time again. It also says its difficult to find true friends that genuinely understands them.

Alas,

I have always felt this way.

And, It's justifiable.

My blog entries has always been constantly talking about stuff like this. Always feeling misunderstood.... Angel's logic...having egotistical friends that subconsciously likes making others feel bad about themselves. Talking about hurt and the lack of kindness in today's society. But I can't blame them, it's me who has a weak heart. Too many judge me on how I see the world, judging me on how I don't care for some general things or common knowledge that everyone should at least know. 

"If you are fitting in, you are not in the right place, you are too bright to fit in."

Day by day, through tarot's healing, I learn to stay optimistic, I learn to remove negative aura and not let what people say affect me for long. If I'm not deem to fit in, then accept the fact that I'm not made to fit in. If I'm not made to see life the way everyone sees it, then don't bother. We're not robots doing the same thing. Be unique. Do what excites you, do what you want with your life. You are meant to change the system, to be a pillar of support to change the world. 

Continue to stand out, do what you like. 

Let people judge you, it's gonna be alright. 

Don't be afraid to make a difference, 

because all great things are wild and free.

Heaven and hell is a mindset, if you keep thinking of hell then you will be stuck in eternal hell. Take the time to see it from a different perspective, reach to the heavens and one day you'll be able to see the fruits and the beauty of it all.

I am million different things,

At a million different times.

I am me.

I am me, with no apologies.

Oh how I love her choice of words and encouragement.

It's beautiful.

~ Angel Seah.

Just Another Post To Rant

"Either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain" 

As I grow older, I get increasingly disappointed in today's society. Just like how Joker turns into a villain because of toxic people who likes 'making fun' of others for their own enjoyment to make themselves feel superior. The movie came to me like a tidal wave because I could understand 100% how he is feeling. Many of times I feel the same, struggling so hard not to turn into a villain like Joker myself. 

Just last night while having dinner, we were chatting about camping on top of a mountain with a caravan and stuff. So I said that I saw a picture of a lodging place which was hanging at the side of a mountain and it was helluva spectacular. (You know, just wanted to share)

Suddenly, they questioned me what is the "side of the mountain" called. FYI, the lodge I was talking about is "dangling" along the side of a mountain & not on the top of it. I remembered coming across a lot of terms for parts of a mountain (like leeward / windward technical names for the sides of a mountain). So I wondered maybe there's a term to call the sides of a mountain which I don't know?

...  And I answered with a "I don't know what it's called". (Drama incoming)

& This was the reaction I received - The look on their faces when they looked at each other thinking 'Joke, this dumb ass don't know such an easy term for this? Lololol.' Oh the amount of schadenfreude I felt. (Don't tell me maybe I am over reacting. The only reason I'm friends with them because they bitch in front of you and not behind your back. They are not two-faced and their expressions shows)

Anyway, so done with dinner at that point. Their actions whetted my appetite & I wasn't n the mood to talk after that. This kind of situation is not often but it's also not the first time either.

Expectations vs. Reality

So I asked what it's called & they proudly proclaimed the side of the mountain is... a "cliff". Wow. Kinda triggered, was thinking that they might have a better term or word for it! 

You can call the top flat ground / edge of a mountain a cliff. But I was talking about the side of a cliff (Aka. the correct answer is called the face of a mountain *Point B*)

For god's sake, I was talking about this. Baffled by their lack of vocabulary but still want to show off and put others down. Stupid me for hoping more from them.

If you said its named a crag aka a steep or rough part of a mountain I would be intrigued because it's new to me. But no, you judged me "dumb" because you (thought) you knew the answer. 

ANYWAY! 

The point is that I don't understand why do people like making other people feel stupid? Do they like being mean? Do they think by doing this they are more "superior" than others? 

All of us has things we seek to know and there are just certain things that we seriously don't bother to remember or care about. Friends should respect one another, and not put others down. Nor should friends look down on others for their lack of knowledge! Putting others down to feel good about yourself is downright low, which speaks a lot about your personality. 

Don't say that it is a joke either, 

because if a joke can make someone else feel bad, 

then it is definitely not a joke per se.

Sometimes, things like this happen to remind me of what I should & never will become. To remind myself don't be like them. Please share knowledge without making someone feel bad, and don't put yourself on such a high pedestal because the higher you are, the harder you fall.

No one likes to be put-down by others. Nothing good to say, don't say. Repeat the correct pronunciation to them instead of "testing" them to say it wrong again. Or better, don't correct them at all because what's the point? Is it so difficult to do this? (He pronounced broth as broof after laughing at my "cliff".) Gosh.

Sigh, the lack of empathy in society today.

Signing off, 

Angel Seah.

What is Love?

Everyone around me has been asking this question....

"Why don't you go find a boyfriend?"

And I'll always reply with....

"喜欢的不出现，出现的不喜欢"

I've also been telling the people around me that getting a boyfriend has never appeared in my mind. I like being single... I'm comfortable being alone. I rather live a high quality life being single, than be stuck in a bad relationship. 

But honestly, it's actually not the case.... and the truth is, I'm just feel extremely afraid of getting hurt once more and I have no guts to give love another try. Even though I feel that I have gotten over the past relationship, my heart still stings when I think about it. I acknowledge that I have an extremely high expectations for relationships.. and the trauma of countless arguments, being lied to, hearing friends get cheated on, divorce cases, disappointments, being let down, broken promises, expectations vs. reality, I can still remember the pain of my heart shattering, getting depressed, crying everyday, tearing up suddenly, being tired and emotionally drained. 

I am traumatized. I am afraid. What if this happens again?

Somebody save me. But I don't know if I want to be saved. 

SEVENTEEN DIAMOND EDGE EXPERIENCE SINGAPORE ˉ̡̠̭̭”( ⑉¯ །། ¯⑉ )ˉ̡̠̭̭

FREE VIP TICKETS TO DIAMOND EDGE SG

Missing Seventeen so much after Diamond Edge in Bangkok that we decided to buy tickets to DE in Singapore. Didn't want to buy SG's tickets because the concert falls on a Friday plus tickets were more expensive / sold at an exorbitant price...

One day, Chanel sent me a lucky draw contest giving away 10 pairs of VIP Tickets to Seventeen Concert and said "lets start drinking this shit!" haha. All we have to do is order Sjora drink with every meal from any participating outlets to stand a chance to win :D

(Carl's Jr, Burger King, KFC, Pepper Lunch, Popeyes, Texas Chicken and Yoshinoya) 

C : So from tomorrow onwards, we eat this everyday.

C : Remember to take receipt and keep, 1 receipt per meal.

C : Ask everyone to eat this and give us the receipt

C : Hope we are fated to meet them again in SG

This went on for a week and we made all our friends, families and colleagues drink Sjora almost everyday for a week until they got sick of it and Chanel hates fast-foods. BUT THANK GOD IF NOT WE DRINK UNTIL WANT VOMIT ALR UNTIL THE 8TH DAY Chanel received an SMS stating:

Dear Chanel, 

You have been selected as the Week 1 winner for the Upgrade to Sjora Lucky Draw Promotion. 

You have won 1 pair of KPOP Seventeen Concert Ticket.  Please email your receipt (xxx608 from Pepper Lunch) to ...

C : THANKS GUYS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!!!!

L : No more fast fooooooooood, can we eat other things already?? 

C : ANGEL STILL SAY I NO LUCK =( ****

L : My samsung detected I use Sjora more than Sephora LOLL

M : My life quota for Sjora going max alr

C : I scared of Sjora liao

A : No more Sjora!

W : No more Sjora anymore

H : I drink Sjora until scared

L : I need to do a compilation... Sjora Day 1 to Day idk... 

C : We can still eat to win more tickets

J : How about no. I going diabetes DIE BEE TEES.

C : HI-TOUCH. OMG I GONNA FALL IN FRONT OF SCOUPS and hold him....

Everyone else : ......... 

HAHAHAHAHA. Yay Hi-Touch! Was feeling bad because Chanel didn't manage
to win Hi-Touch previously at Bangkok DE. This time she finally have a chance!!

**** End up it was MY Pepper Lunch meal receipt
that won her the tickets 好吗?

I also really wanna thank Harris Ho for ordering Sjora even though he doesn't drink Sjora!

Mega big THANK YOU to everyone who took part and helped !!

29 September, 2017 | DE SINGAPORE !!

Airport Arrival Day...

We stood directly behind the barricades while Chanel held my Jeonghan + her Scoups fanboard while I'm became the "Jeongcheol' videographer. Scoups legit saw his fanboard and waved to Chanel. When I moved my camera towards Jeonghan, he was already looking at my direction! He had this eye smile going on and waving as if he remembers us from Bangkok and Jakarta (or the fanboard :x )

It felt to me that he saw his fanboard from afar and even though I was filming Scoups, he was waiting for me to notice him ❤

We also went to their hotel hoping to see them, they had a total of 3 vans, 1 for the staffs and 2 for them. They stayed at The InterContinental Hotel near Bugis and it's weird that there were no other fans around at all! We went home after awhile because we had work the next day. Sigh, life of a working adult.

♫ CONCERT DAY ♫

We were in the first 30+ in line and got the BEST SPOT in the standing zone! Unlike Bangkok and Jakarta's stage, the stage for Singapore DE didn't have a 2nd level which means all performances were a step closer to us :D

A JH fansite nim talked to me asking if I'm Japanese or Korean while she thought Chanel was Japanese. Chanel still step one Japanese and speak in Japanese so xiasuay walao kill me pls. I didn't know who she was until Cherubim Unnie (Cherubim_YJH) told me it was Affection nim (not sure) but I didn't know she was Japanese? She was kind,and polite too.

Then another group of k-fansites came in and pushed their way to the center. The difference in Japan and Korea fansites ugh! Cherubim Unnie told me there's rabbit and Scoups FS but I didn't know their faces so whatever as long as we don't cross paths...

Halfway through a performance a security pounced and caught a (hoshi?) fansite taking photos with her DSLR (cameras not allowed but phone cameras are fine) , she was right behind me and the fight was F I E R C E. She tried to escape but the guard grabbed her camera and some tug of war drama,,,,  she looked like she was going to cry too damnn! After that another guard came to escort her out. Damn...she was friendly, looked like a Thailand fan... Before that, I helped cover her camera for her to take her pictures when performance team came out and she thanked me too. The guard was our friend too, but work is work and she was doing her job so I can't say anything either D; *Feels bad*

Cherubim Unnie almost got caught too but she hid her camera before the guard came *phew* I was praying so hard for her not to get caught because she's a Jeonghan Stan and she was just behind Chanel, her spot was even better than other fansites! I kept her covered with my fanboard and gave her space to sneak some snaps of my Jeonghan.

After the concert I was sent some HQ JH pictures from Cherubim without watermark after the concert as thanks. Really grateful and it's now my wallpaper. Some of her FS friends got caught during bag check and they ended up splitting their camera (1 bring in lens, another bring in body) in order to take pictures.

Only now, I realized that being a fansite photographer is not easy!! Another FS got caught halfway and the security demanded for their memory card. Damn the stress level is no joke.

Appreciation photo -

During the start of the final talk stage, I took out a paper that wrote "Happy Early Birthday" in Korean and showed it to JH! He didn't expect it because he paused for a moment to read it and laughed out loud :D :D :D

Then I showed him another paper that wrote "Noona will always support you!" and he nodded and smiled so cutely oh gosh.. Someone's in a good mood today.

Videos and Snaps! -

Jeongcheol aimed their camera to our area! They purposely met up, walked to our side, looked back to check if their angle was right to video us!! I JUST KNOW IT. DON'T DOUBT ME D; Watch their Vlive and you'll be able to see us. 

Actually, you'd be able to see us in their vlive for ALL the concerts that we went to oops.

To be continued

*Read Diamond Edge Bangkok : Here*

*Read Diamond Edge Jakarta : Here*

Expectations Vs Reality

Just. In. A. Mood. To. Rant.

Love is to me not letting anyone bad mouth you or letting the one you love get the shorter end of the stick. (Instead of laughing along with others or turning a blind eye saying its none of your business.) Love to me is to make sacrifices for the person you love to be happy, because you don't want them to feel sad. Love to me is also not by using money, gifts and superficial means, instead, love to me is honest and straight forward like how we're like when we were kids, love is endless giving through words, attentiveness and thoughtfulness, love is never having to guess or ask for it. Love is being able to give 100% of my love and to be able to receive 120% back in return in order to keep the fire burning. The only fight I want in a relationship should only be fighting to show who loves who more.

"What can I do more to make her happy?"... "A wife should be doted on, whatever my wife says goes."... "In this entire lifetime, there's not even enough time for me to look at you, so why would i waste my time looking at others?" Attentive, doting, dependable, giving you a sense of security, trustworthy, thoughtful, affectionate, kind, honest, reliable, there for you when you need him (even when it's inconvenient), growth oriented (a guy who won't say it's your problem and this is the way he is and you need to deal with it). Someone that gives you emotional support when you had a rough day instead of giving you a matter of fact advice that might be useful but hurtful to you when he doesn't empathize with what you're going through or make you feel better.

Love to me is, even when the whole world was to go against you, I will fight against the whole world for you. Love to me is, if you are able to make me feel like your queen, I will do whatever it takes to make you a king.

My expectations are so high i'm never gonna get married Uwuuuu. LOL Just kidding. Can I just transverse into novel world or anime world. Been reading so many time travel novels these days, mostly about fighting and martial arts and hellawesome mecha fights! BUT the MLs are still husband material (even though it's not a pure romance novel) 

Men like that only appears in novels though.... or giving a benefit of doubt, maybe 0.01% in the entire universe...(#aka aliens) ._.

HAH. Goodbye.

A Low Quality Love is Inferior to a High Quality Solitude

Reading a huge amount of C-novels these days and its affecting my already non-existent social life.

Not that I mind.

Completed reading - Full Marks Hidden Marriage: Pick Up a Son, Get a Free Husband (许你万丈光芒好)

Currently reading - Ghost Emperor Wild Wife (鬼帝狂妻：纨绔大小姐) & Adorable Food Goddess (萌妻食神)

Love strong female leads + cold and aloof but behind-the-scene loyal and affectionate (Tsundere) male leads! 

And also like Tsunderes with a bit of child-like/innocent personality, those that gets overly protective and jealous easily when their MC gets 'stolen' by someone else, and makes a fuss about it. Those kinds are sooooooooo cute!! 

Men like that are everywhere in mangas and novels but not in real life, why??? Tchh.

Click to see → Why are Tsunderes so Attractive???

Narcissism, Manners and Etiquette

PMS days just makes me feel like shit. Why do people like to make fun of others knowledge and look down on others? Unfortunately, I'm feeling down today and need to release some pent up frustrations. Thank god I have a place to vent.

Was eating dinner yesterday when suddenly a subject popped up in the conversation and someone just said my head looks big and for some reason it was linked to a big head having a big brain but,,,,, why am I still so stupid? ... Here I am minding my own business eating my food and this happens.

'Supposedly' having a bigger brain is smarter So they tried to "prove it" by asking me math questions (I'm bad at math). Wow. Some people are just shit. *Roll eyes*

Did you know? : A big brain alone doesn't equate with smarts. If it did, elephants and sperm whales would win all the spelling bees. Rather, scientists look at brain mass relative to body mass in order to make any speculation about a creature's cognitive abilities....

....Sigh, sometimes I question who really are the idiotic ones. 

Empty vessels really makes the most noise... Don't blow your own horn unless you have what it takes ok? 

Tbh, I felt kinda hurt because of the sudden verbal abuse (due to pms) but 君子不計小人過 so instead of flaring up and replied lamely by saying math is not really important because we can't communicate in math. So why is being bad at math = stupid? We communicate in English, how about a 1 + 1 = Fuck you 2 / too?

Why are you calling me stupid with a smug better-in-math-than-you face?

I don't understand why was I attacked for no reason either. Your point?

What's your objective? To indulge in your own ego? 

To come across as “above others” or "obnoxious"?

Truth is, what I really wanted to say was at least I don't down on others that aren't academic smart and constantly condemn others. The amount of schadenfreude is disappointing.  

I guess "narcissism on the rise" is really true and belittling others to inflate their ego, play the classic “I hate drama” card and "I'll just apologize to stop this pointless argument because I cant never win your "logic" and in the end make the wronged person look bad as the main goal in mind.

“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.”  

Honestly, who are you to say I'm stupid when some people can't even write a grammatically correct sentence. Not remembering lefts and right? Or differentiating her, him, he or she? We speak and read in English, not Math. We don't practice Math everyday but converse with English daily. The definition of stupid is said to be showing poor judgement or little intelligence, so who's to say I'm stupid if that's the case? Personally, I feel that one shouldn't act smart or show off because it becomes a double edge sword when you're wrong, making you look stupid instead. 

And all that bullshit ' treasure our relationship' and 'angel's logic' when you can't make a stand or state your point in an argument only to give up halfway. Are you like 5? At least 5 years old nowadays knows not to hurt people with words and giving pointless remarks just to make themselves look good...

Some people need to re-learn the concept of good manners the rules of etiquette to know how to be respectful and considerate of other people's feelings. Why am I getting hurt emotionally by the people I least expect?!!!! I need to grow up and harden my heart. 

Don't be that bad guy in novels that everyone loves to hate. 

有时候觉得自己一个人是否比较好，至少没有人能伤你的心。

我也不用认为了解你，但事实上是最不懂你心的人。

Where is my Yun Xiao or Lu Ting Xiao that will speak up for me when I'm getting bullied or made fun off? :(

- angelseah