Trust

When trust is broken, sorry means nothing.

sayonara, arigato ~

Hello month of May,

I've finally decided to remove a "kinda" toxic friend in my life. Friends who drain you of your energy. Friends who stopped chatting with you, only for you to find out that she has been privately chatting up our mutual friends & even my close colleagues behind my back, going out with them without asking me. Friends who say something is "not their style" / "not nice" / "only going to do so-and-so" but not following through their actions after. 

Realised that my old posts has always been about you too, many times i choose to ignore & let go. But we're almost 30 & if things are still the same, I'm guess I'm probably feeling tired already. 

To you & everyone else:

Telling me that someone copying me is the sincerest form of flattery... is bullshit. If by "copying" my style or idea, undermining my individuality and creativity, being impervious to all the research & effort I have done is something I should be okay with, then sorry, I am no Mother Theresa. As much as I want to be a person with a kind heart, to live and let live, Integrity & Empathy is important to me in friendship. If you don't have integrity to do what's right and honorable, if you are unable to put yourself in my shoes to feel that I will be unhappy with what you are doing, then I don't need a friend like you. 

& If that friend had the same interest then I wouldn’t be so upset! But this friend acted like an opportunist only because she saw the "profits" I'm making with this interest of mine. (Also not big bucks lor walao) I'm doing it because I love it & I have been constantly talking about it! She wasn't even interested at all when I proposed many times before that when I said I wanted to do bracelets. I basically spoon fed her with my research, told her the things I liked & what I found interesting, only to find out she's going to do the same thing because she saw that it's an easy side income for her. If she is in urgent need for money & is doing this to survive, I would have helped too. But there's no reason to compete with me to do this because her rich boyfriend is sponsoring her to do this & her salary is already way more than mine. I am broke af.

Initially, she told me that she will only be doing certain things which will be different from mine, with her own unique style. And I am perfectly ok with that. But now, designs & styles are similar nevermind, crystals that she say she don't like last time, she is using them now. Things she told me she didn't like before, things I do that she feels it's "not nice" or "doesn't match" she doing them all now. (I have proof from our texts alright? & one of my pet peeve is people telling me they don't like something and proceed to do it after.. )

To be honest... I feel a real friend wouldn’t do all this to you if she understands that by doing this, both of us will end up competing under the same customer base. Never steal market from someone who you are friends with! It's also hard to react when someone who is once your close friend is competing with you for customers. I know there is competition everywhere, it’s just frustrating when the competition is your best friend, not strangers. 

Tip: "People from different industries are friends. People from same industry, doing different sub-segments are friends. I do software development, you do website, we are friends. Will even help pass customers to each other. But If you do software development & I also start doing it. We are competitors." 

When everything you gain, you know that you will need to take away something from your friend, knowing that there WILL be direct competition but still proceed to do it anyway due to "profits". That's not the same thing as being friends & rivals in sport, it's purely unethical.

Probably out there playing victim, privately texting people close to me, selling similar ideas & stuff cheaper than mine, maybe even telling people around us how "expensive" mine is. Also, don't go around secretly asking others about my pricing (you-know-who) & lowering yours to beat mine because walls have ears & I've been hearing stuff going on about you.

Whats more, I used to ignore minor copycat things you have been doing as it doesn't directly involve or affect me. When I opened a confectionery shop named Astuki, you coincidentally open a cookie shop named Mizuki. Even the coaster i used to display our stuff, suddenly you are using a similar one too. I mean, gurl, what are the odds? 

Lastly, I'm a little sad because a close friend of ours choose to promote for her more recently because I guess they are closer. When I started doing this side biz, she said that she will support both sides as it'd be weird if she supported me & not the other (which I fully understand). However it doesn't feel that equal anymore... & Truthfully, equal or not, what irks me is that she is supporting someone who's intention is only to earn quick cash / sells man-made & synthetic stuff / lack of knowledge / sells cheaper / anyhow cleanse / states the wrong benefit for crystals. It's an insult to my love for crystals, my passion & designs. Last time when I wanted versatility in my designs, she said that it doesn't match, but now....okay.

Some may feel that I'm overly dramatic & petty, and might suggested that I try understand why she is doing all this, try to talk to her to find out her reason to keep this friendship. But let me say it once more, actions speak louder than words. What she showed me through her actions says alot about her morals & ethics. Even now she acts like it's nothing wrong. All in all, it clashes with me, as I can never do what she did. Go tell her sell to roastpork next time.

Once close friends, now just an acquaintance.

Happy Twenty-Twenty

Heyy love, just wanna say thank you for being my greatest motivation, thank you for getting me a hairdryer just so that I can blow dry my hair when you're not around, thank you for sharing your food with me even though it's not enough for you, thank you for driving me home and waiting for me to bathe just so you could blow dry my hair no matter how late it is or tired you are. Thank you for not being grumpy when you're tired. Thank you for cooking yummy breakfast for me and going the extra mile to make me smile.

In so short a time, you have gained a permanent place in my heart.

Lastly, thank you for being mine.

Happy New Year

Stray Kids - Neverending Story

"I'll love you further than tomorrow and longer than forever"

TIME FLIES

Just realized that 2019 is coming to an end. 

& I've quite a few draft posts that I've be putting off completing like:

1. Korea trip 2018 (Halfway done)
2. Seventeen Diamond Edge 2018 (Halfway done)
3. Seventeen Ideal cut 2019 (Halfway done)
4. Musicbank in Hongkong 2019 (Halfway done)
5. Holiday with Liying + Nana at Hongkong '19
6. Krabi Trip with Yolo Party +/- 1
7. Kuala Lumpur + Genting on NationalDay '19
8. Lee Seungi Fanmeet in SG '19

Ohhhhh myyyyyy gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to stop procrastinating. 

& I have even more event plans coming soon like:

1. Sam Tsui Concert in SG '19 (ft. Kurt Hugo Schneider) - Confirmed 17th Nov.
2. Anime Festival Asia 2019 - Confirmed 30 Nov.

3. Johor Bahru Staycay + Liying's Birthday Confirmed 6 Dec.
4. SkinS Festival 2019 - Confirmed 28 Dec

TBC - Disney: Magic of Animation at ArtScience Museum (?), Bubbletea Factory (?), 

Wow. After listing them all out. I feel even lazier. 

Maybe I'll get some done when I feel like it. 

1 step at time.

Don't be lazy!! 

angelseah~*

Escape, Uncertainties

In need of a vacay. Away from my mundane life.

So tired.

I want to escape the normalcy of life, to travel around the world, to wake up with a beautiful view in front of me, and to discover all the aesthetic places in this world that makes one speechless.

Life would be so much easier if we had the answers to all these confusing feelings.

Afraid of falling, afraid of vulnerability. Just thinking of the past repeating itself haunts me.
What should I do? Feeling so lost. I need a hug.

Creating Heaven On Earth

Been very intrigued by tarot card readings and I have been watching them daily for almost a month now.

I have to say it's.... spiritually liberating.

Subscribed to several tarot divine readers on YouTube, while some of them didn't feel accurate, most of them truly resonated within me. Crystals, healing, cleansing. All of it.

They're also great motivators and listening some of them has woken me up from feeling lost and down. They're always encouraging me to do what's right. Somehow they always know what has been weighing me down or what I've been stressed up or worried about. I've been also watching horoscope specific tarot reading for myself and it's comical how they always describe Geminis as confusing. LOL

"It's already there, waiting for you to take that leap of faith. To take the chance and grab it.
So Gemini, what the hell are you waiting for? You Gemini, don't know what you want.
Stop thinking too much Gems." - Exasperate Tarot Readers. 

Haha. True, confused and like to overthink.

I chose deck 4. 

I wanted to choose another deck at first but felt resisted and anxious for no reason. Something at the back of my mind was whispering to me that it didn't feel right and instead a vortex is pulling me towards deck 4... Some might say it's the mind playing tricks with you but I'd call it a connection. 

Deck 4 speaks about how the people that chose this deck feel that they never could fit in, always easily misunderstood, always hoping to change the world to be a better kinder place. Foolishly giving unconditional love to people that hurt them time and time again. It also says its difficult to find true friends that genuinely understands them.

Alas,

I have always felt this way.

And, It's justifiable.

My blog entries has always been constantly talking about stuff like this. Always feeling misunderstood.... Angel's logic...having egotistical friends that subconsciously likes making others feel bad about themselves. Talking about hurt and the lack of kindness in today's society. But I can't blame them, it's me who has a weak heart. Too many judge me on how I see the world, judging me on how I don't care for some general things or common knowledge that everyone should at least know. 

"If you are fitting in, you are not in the right place, you are too bright to fit in."

Day by day, through tarot's healing, I learn to stay optimistic, I learn to remove negative aura and not let what people say affect me for long. If I'm not deem to fit in, then accept the fact that I'm not made to fit in. If I'm not made to see life the way everyone sees it, then don't bother. We're not robots doing the same thing. Be unique. Do what excites you, do what you want with your life. You are meant to change the system, to be a pillar of support to change the world. 

Continue to stand out, do what you like. 

Let people judge you, it's gonna be alright. 

Don't be afraid to make a difference, 

because all great things are wild and free.

Heaven and hell is a mindset, if you keep thinking of hell then you will be stuck in eternal hell. Take the time to see it from a different perspective, reach to the heavens and one day you'll be able to see the fruits and the beauty of it all.

I am million different things,

At a million different times.

I am me.

I am me, with no apologies.

Oh how I love her choice of words and encouragement.

It's beautiful.

~ Angel Seah.