Trust

When trust is broken, sorry means nothing.

sayonara, arigato ~

Hello month of May,

I've finally decided to remove a "kinda" toxic friend in my life. Friends who drain you of your energy. Friends who stopped chatting with you, only for you to find out that she has been privately chatting up our mutual friends & even my close colleagues behind my back, going out with them without asking me. Friends who say something is "not their style" / "not nice" / "only going to do so-and-so" but not following through their actions after. 

Realised that my old posts has always been about you too, many times i choose to ignore & let go. But we're almost 30 & if things are still the same, I'm guess I'm probably feeling tired already. 

To you & everyone else:

Telling me that someone copying me is the sincerest form of flattery... is bullshit. If by "copying" my style or idea, undermining my individuality and creativity, being impervious to all the research & effort I have done is something I should be okay with, then sorry, I am no Mother Theresa. As much as I want to be a person with a kind heart, to live and let live, Integrity & Empathy is important to me in friendship. If you don't have integrity to do what's right and honorable, if you are unable to put yourself in my shoes to feel that I will be unhappy with what you are doing, then I don't need a friend like you. 

& If that friend had the same interest then I wouldn’t be so upset! But this friend acted like an opportunist only because she saw the "profits" I'm making with this interest of mine. (Also not big bucks lor walao) I'm doing it because I love it & I have been constantly talking about it! She wasn't even interested at all when I proposed many times before that when I said I wanted to do bracelets. I basically spoon fed her with my research, told her the things I liked & what I found interesting, only to find out she's going to do the same thing because she saw that it's an easy side income for her. If she is in urgent need for money & is doing this to survive, I would have helped too. But there's no reason to compete with me to do this because her rich boyfriend is sponsoring her to do this & her salary is already way more than mine. I am broke af.

Initially, she told me that she will only be doing certain things which will be different from mine, with her own unique style. And I am perfectly ok with that. But now, designs & styles are similar nevermind, crystals that she say she don't like last time, she is using them now. Things she told me she didn't like before, things I do that she feels it's "not nice" or "doesn't match" she doing them all now. (I have proof from our texts alright? & one of my pet peeve is people telling me they don't like something and proceed to do it after.. )

To be honest... I feel a real friend wouldn’t do all this to you if she understands that by doing this, both of us will end up competing under the same customer base. Never steal market from someone who you are friends with! It's also hard to react when someone who is once your close friend is competing with you for customers. I know there is competition everywhere, it’s just frustrating when the competition is your best friend, not strangers. 

Tip: "People from different industries are friends. People from same industry, doing different sub-segments are friends. I do software development, you do website, we are friends. Will even help pass customers to each other. But If you do software development & I also start doing it. We are competitors." 

When everything you gain, you know that you will need to take away something from your friend, knowing that there WILL be direct competition but still proceed to do it anyway due to "profits". That's not the same thing as being friends & rivals in sport, it's purely unethical.

Probably out there playing victim, privately texting people close to me, selling similar ideas & stuff cheaper than mine, maybe even telling people around us how "expensive" mine is. Also, don't go around secretly asking others about my pricing (you-know-who) & lowering yours to beat mine because walls have ears & I've been hearing stuff going on about you.

Whats more, I used to ignore minor copycat things you have been doing as it doesn't directly involve or affect me. When I opened a confectionery shop named Astuki, you coincidentally open a cookie shop named Mizuki. Even the coaster i used to display our stuff, suddenly you are using a similar one too. I mean, gurl, what are the odds? 

Lastly, I'm a little sad because a close friend of ours choose to promote for her more recently because I guess they are closer. When I started doing this side biz, she said that she will support both sides as it'd be weird if she supported me & not the other (which I fully understand). However it doesn't feel that equal anymore... & Truthfully, equal or not, what irks me is that she is supporting someone who's intention is only to earn quick cash / sells man-made & synthetic stuff / lack of knowledge / sells cheaper / anyhow cleanse / states the wrong benefit for crystals. It's an insult to my love for crystals, my passion & designs. Last time when I wanted versatility in my designs, she said that it doesn't match, but now....okay.

Some may feel that I'm overly dramatic & petty, and might suggested that I try understand why she is doing all this, try to talk to her to find out her reason to keep this friendship. But let me say it once more, actions speak louder than words. What she showed me through her actions says alot about her morals & ethics. Even now she acts like it's nothing wrong. All in all, it clashes with me, as I can never do what she did. Go tell her sell to roastpork next time.

Once close friends, now just an acquaintance.

Happy Twenty-Twenty

Heyy love, just wanna say thank you for being my greatest motivation, thank you for getting me a hairdryer just so that I can blow dry my hair when you're not around, thank you for sharing your food with me even though it's not enough for you, thank you for driving me home and waiting for me to bathe just so you could blow dry my hair no matter how late it is or tired you are. Thank you for not being grumpy when you're tired. Thank you for cooking yummy breakfast for me and going the extra mile to make me smile.

In so short a time, you have gained a permanent place in my heart.

Lastly, thank you for being mine.

Happy New Year

Stray Kids - Neverending Story

"I'll love you further than tomorrow and longer than forever"

TIME FLIES

Just realized that 2019 is coming to an end. 

& I've quite a few draft posts that I've be putting off completing like:

1. Korea trip 2018 (Halfway done)
2. Seventeen Diamond Edge 2018 (Halfway done)
3. Seventeen Ideal cut 2019 (Halfway done)
4. Musicbank in Hongkong 2019 (Halfway done)
5. Holiday with Liying + Nana at Hongkong '19
6. Krabi Trip with Yolo Party +/- 1
7. Kuala Lumpur + Genting on NationalDay '19
8. Lee Seungi Fanmeet in SG '19

Ohhhhh myyyyyy gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to stop procrastinating. 

& I have even more event plans coming soon like:

1. Sam Tsui Concert in SG '19 (ft. Kurt Hugo Schneider) - Confirmed 17th Nov.
2. Anime Festival Asia 2019 - Confirmed 30 Nov.

3. Johor Bahru Staycay + Liying's Birthday Confirmed 6 Dec.
4. SkinS Festival 2019 - Confirmed 28 Dec

TBC - Disney: Magic of Animation at ArtScience Museum (?), Bubbletea Factory (?), 

Wow. After listing them all out. I feel even lazier. 

Maybe I'll get some done when I feel like it. 

1 step at time.

Don't be lazy!! 

angelseah~*

Escape, Uncertainties

In need of a vacay. Away from my mundane life.

So tired.

I want to escape the normalcy of life, to travel around the world, to wake up with a beautiful view in front of me, and to discover all the aesthetic places in this world that makes one speechless.

Life would be so much easier if we had the answers to all these confusing feelings.

Afraid of falling, afraid of vulnerability. Just thinking of the past repeating itself haunts me.
What should I do? Feeling so lost. I need a hug.

Creating Heaven On Earth

Been very intrigued by tarot card readings and I have been watching them daily for almost a month now.

I have to say it's.... spiritually liberating.

Subscribed to several tarot divine readers on YouTube, while some of them didn't feel accurate, most of them truly resonated within me. Crystals, healing, cleansing. All of it.

They're also great motivators and listening some of them has woken me up from feeling lost and down. They're always encouraging me to do what's right. Somehow they always know what has been weighing me down or what I've been stressed up or worried about. I've been also watching horoscope specific tarot reading for myself and it's comical how they always describe Geminis as confusing. LOL

"It's already there, waiting for you to take that leap of faith. To take the chance and grab it.
So Gemini, what the hell are you waiting for? You Gemini, don't know what you want.
Stop thinking too much Gems." - Exasperate Tarot Readers. 

Haha. True, confused and like to overthink.

I chose deck 4. 

I wanted to choose another deck at first but felt resisted and anxious for no reason. Something at the back of my mind was whispering to me that it didn't feel right and instead a vortex is pulling me towards deck 4... Some might say it's the mind playing tricks with you but I'd call it a connection. 

Deck 4 speaks about how the people that chose this deck feel that they never could fit in, always easily misunderstood, always hoping to change the world to be a better kinder place. Foolishly giving unconditional love to people that hurt them time and time again. It also says its difficult to find true friends that genuinely understands them.

Alas,

I have always felt this way.

And, It's justifiable.

My blog entries has always been constantly talking about stuff like this. Always feeling misunderstood.... Angel's logic...having egotistical friends that subconsciously likes making others feel bad about themselves. Talking about hurt and the lack of kindness in today's society. But I can't blame them, it's me who has a weak heart. Too many judge me on how I see the world, judging me on how I don't care for some general things or common knowledge that everyone should at least know. 

"If you are fitting in, you are not in the right place, you are too bright to fit in."

Day by day, through tarot's healing, I learn to stay optimistic, I learn to remove negative aura and not let what people say affect me for long. If I'm not deem to fit in, then accept the fact that I'm not made to fit in. If I'm not made to see life the way everyone sees it, then don't bother. We're not robots doing the same thing. Be unique. Do what excites you, do what you want with your life. You are meant to change the system, to be a pillar of support to change the world. 

Continue to stand out, do what you like. 

Let people judge you, it's gonna be alright. 

Don't be afraid to make a difference, 

because all great things are wild and free.

Heaven and hell is a mindset, if you keep thinking of hell then you will be stuck in eternal hell. Take the time to see it from a different perspective, reach to the heavens and one day you'll be able to see the fruits and the beauty of it all.

I am million different things,

At a million different times.

I am me.

I am me, with no apologies.

Oh how I love her choice of words and encouragement.

It's beautiful.

~ Angel Seah.

Just Another Post To Rant

"Either you die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain" 

As I grow older, I get increasingly disappointed in today's society. Just like how Joker turns into a villain because of toxic people who likes 'making fun' of others for their own enjoyment to make themselves feel superior. The movie came to me like a tidal wave because I could understand 100% how he is feeling. Many of times I feel the same, struggling so hard not to turn into a villain like Joker myself. 

Just last night while having dinner, we were chatting about camping on top of a mountain with a caravan and stuff. So I said that I saw a picture of a lodging place which was hanging at the side of a mountain and it was helluva spectacular. (You know, just wanted to share)

Suddenly, they questioned me what is the "side of the mountain" called. FYI, the lodge I was talking about is "dangling" along the side of a mountain & not on the top of it. I remembered coming across a lot of terms for parts of a mountain (like leeward / windward technical names for the sides of a mountain). So I wondered maybe there's a term to call the sides of a mountain which I don't know?

...  And I answered with a "I don't know what it's called". (Drama incoming)

& This was the reaction I received - The look on their faces when they looked at each other thinking 'Joke, this dumb ass don't know such an easy term for this? Lololol.' Oh the amount of schadenfreude I felt. (Don't tell me maybe I am over reacting. The only reason I'm friends with them because they bitch in front of you and not behind your back. They are not two-faced and their expressions shows)

Anyway, so done with dinner at that point. Their actions whetted my appetite & I wasn't n the mood to talk after that. This kind of situation is not often but it's also not the first time either.

Expectations vs. Reality

So I asked what it's called & they proudly proclaimed the side of the mountain is... a "cliff". Wow. Kinda triggered, was thinking that they might have a better term or word for it! 

You can call the top flat ground / edge of a mountain a cliff. But I was talking about the side of a cliff (Aka. the correct answer is called the face of a mountain *Point B*)

For god's sake, I was talking about this. Baffled by their lack of vocabulary but still want to show off and put others down. Stupid me for hoping more from them.

If you said its named a crag aka a steep or rough part of a mountain I would be intrigued because it's new to me. But no, you judged me "dumb" because you (thought) you knew the answer. 

ANYWAY! 

The point is that I don't understand why do people like making other people feel stupid? Do they like being mean? Do they think by doing this they are more "superior" than others? 

All of us has things we seek to know and there are just certain things that we seriously don't bother to remember or care about. Friends should respect one another, and not put others down. Nor should friends look down on others for their lack of knowledge! Putting others down to feel good about yourself is downright low, which speaks a lot about your personality. 

Don't say that it is a joke either, 

because if a joke can make someone else feel bad, 

then it is definitely not a joke per se.

Sometimes, things like this happen to remind me of what I should & never will become. To remind myself don't be like them. Please share knowledge without making someone feel bad, and don't put yourself on such a high pedestal because the higher you are, the harder you fall.

No one likes to be put-down by others. Nothing good to say, don't say. Repeat the correct pronunciation to them instead of "testing" them to say it wrong again. Or better, don't correct them at all because what's the point? Is it so difficult to do this? (He pronounced broth as broof after laughing at my "cliff".) Gosh.

Sigh, the lack of empathy in society today.

Signing off, 

Angel Seah.

What is Love?

Everyone around me has been asking this question....

"Why don't you go find a boyfriend?"

And I'll always reply with....

"喜欢的不出现，出现的不喜欢"

I've also been telling the people around me that getting a boyfriend has never appeared in my mind. I like being single... I'm comfortable being alone. I rather live a high quality life being single, than be stuck in a bad relationship. 

But honestly, it's actually not the case.... and the truth is, I'm just feel extremely afraid of getting hurt once more and I have no guts to give love another try. Even though I feel that I have gotten over the past relationship, my heart still stings when I think about it. I acknowledge that I have an extremely high expectations for relationships.. and the trauma of countless arguments, being lied to, hearing friends get cheated on, divorce cases, disappointments, being let down, broken promises, expectations vs. reality, I can still remember the pain of my heart shattering, getting depressed, crying everyday, tearing up suddenly, being tired and emotionally drained. 

I am traumatized. I am afraid. What if this happens again?

Somebody save me. But I don't know if I want to be saved. 

SEVENTEEN DIAMOND EDGE EXPERIENCE SINGAPORE ˉ̡̠̭̭”( ⑉¯ །། ¯⑉ )ˉ̡̠̭̭

FREE VIP TICKETS TO DIAMOND EDGE SG

Missing Seventeen so much after Diamond Edge in Bangkok that we decided to buy tickets to DE in Singapore. Didn't want to buy SG's tickets because the concert falls on a Friday plus tickets were more expensive / sold at an exorbitant price...

One day, Chanel sent me a lucky draw contest giving away 10 pairs of VIP Tickets to Seventeen Concert and said "lets start drinking this shit!" haha. All we have to do is order Sjora drink with every meal from any participating outlets to stand a chance to win :D

(Carl's Jr, Burger King, KFC, Pepper Lunch, Popeyes, Texas Chicken and Yoshinoya) 

C : So from tomorrow onwards, we eat this everyday.

C : Remember to take receipt and keep, 1 receipt per meal.

C : Ask everyone to eat this and give us the receipt

C : Hope we are fated to meet them again in SG

This went on for a week and we made all our friends, families and colleagues drink Sjora almost everyday for a week until they got sick of it and Chanel hates fast-foods. BUT THANK GOD IF NOT WE DRINK UNTIL WANT VOMIT ALR UNTIL THE 8TH DAY Chanel received an SMS stating:

Dear Chanel, 

You have been selected as the Week 1 winner for the Upgrade to Sjora Lucky Draw Promotion. 

You have won 1 pair of KPOP Seventeen Concert Ticket.  Please email your receipt (xxx608 from Pepper Lunch) to ...

C : THANKS GUYS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!!!!

L : No more fast fooooooooood, can we eat other things already?? 

C : ANGEL STILL SAY I NO LUCK =( ****

L : My samsung detected I use Sjora more than Sephora LOLL

M : My life quota for Sjora going max alr

C : I scared of Sjora liao

A : No more Sjora!

W : No more Sjora anymore

H : I drink Sjora until scared

L : I need to do a compilation... Sjora Day 1 to Day idk... 

C : We can still eat to win more tickets

J : How about no. I going diabetes DIE BEE TEES.

C : HI-TOUCH. OMG I GONNA FALL IN FRONT OF SCOUPS and hold him....

Everyone else : ......... 

HAHAHAHAHA. Yay Hi-Touch! Was feeling bad because Chanel didn't manage
to win Hi-Touch previously at Bangkok DE. This time she finally have a chance!!

**** End up it was MY Pepper Lunch meal receipt
that won her the tickets 好吗?

I also really wanna thank Harris Ho for ordering Sjora even though he doesn't drink Sjora!

Mega big THANK YOU to everyone who took part and helped !!

29 September, 2017 | DE SINGAPORE !!

Airport Arrival Day...

We stood directly behind the barricades while Chanel held my Jeonghan + her Scoups fanboard while I'm became the "Jeongcheol' videographer. Scoups legit saw his fanboard and waved to Chanel. When I moved my camera towards Jeonghan, he was already looking at my direction! He had this eye smile going on and waving as if he remembers us from Bangkok and Jakarta (or the fanboard :x )

It felt to me that he saw his fanboard from afar and even though I was filming Scoups, he was waiting for me to notice him ❤

We also went to their hotel hoping to see them, they had a total of 3 vans, 1 for the staffs and 2 for them. They stayed at The InterContinental Hotel near Bugis and it's weird that there were no other fans around at all! We went home after awhile because we had work the next day. Sigh, life of a working adult.

♫ CONCERT DAY ♫

We were in the first 30+ in line and got the BEST SPOT in the standing zone! Unlike Bangkok and Jakarta's stage, the stage for Singapore DE didn't have a 2nd level which means all performances were a step closer to us :D

A JH fansite nim talked to me asking if I'm Japanese or Korean while she thought Chanel was Japanese. Chanel still step one Japanese and speak in Japanese so xiasuay walao kill me pls. I didn't know who she was until Cherubim Unnie (Cherubim_YJH) told me it was Affection nim (not sure) but I didn't know she was Japanese? She was kind,and polite too.

Then another group of k-fansites came in and pushed their way to the center. The difference in Japan and Korea fansites ugh! Cherubim Unnie told me there's rabbit and Scoups FS but I didn't know their faces so whatever as long as we don't cross paths...

Halfway through a performance a security pounced and caught a (hoshi?) fansite taking photos with her DSLR (cameras not allowed but phone cameras are fine) , she was right behind me and the fight was F I E R C E. She tried to escape but the guard grabbed her camera and some tug of war drama,,,,  she looked like she was going to cry too damnn! After that another guard came to escort her out. Damn...she was friendly, looked like a Thailand fan... Before that, I helped cover her camera for her to take her pictures when performance team came out and she thanked me too. The guard was our friend too, but work is work and she was doing her job so I can't say anything either D; *Feels bad*

Cherubim Unnie almost got caught too but she hid her camera before the guard came *phew* I was praying so hard for her not to get caught because she's a Jeonghan Stan and she was just behind Chanel, her spot was even better than other fansites! I kept her covered with my fanboard and gave her space to sneak some snaps of my Jeonghan.

After the concert I was sent some HQ JH pictures from Cherubim without watermark after the concert as thanks. Really grateful and it's now my wallpaper. Some of her FS friends got caught during bag check and they ended up splitting their camera (1 bring in lens, another bring in body) in order to take pictures.

Only now, I realized that being a fansite photographer is not easy!! Another FS got caught halfway and the security demanded for their memory card. Damn the stress level is no joke.

Appreciation photo -

During the start of the final talk stage, I took out a paper that wrote "Happy Early Birthday" in Korean and showed it to JH! He didn't expect it because he paused for a moment to read it and laughed out loud :D :D :D

Then I showed him another paper that wrote "Noona will always support you!" and he nodded and smiled so cutely oh gosh.. Someone's in a good mood today.

Videos and Snaps! -

Jeongcheol aimed their camera to our area! They purposely met up, walked to our side, looked back to check if their angle was right to video us!! I JUST KNOW IT. DON'T DOUBT ME D; Watch their Vlive and you'll be able to see us. 

Actually, you'd be able to see us in their vlive for ALL the concerts that we went to oops.

To be continued

*Read Diamond Edge Bangkok : Here*

*Read Diamond Edge Jakarta : Here*

Expectations Vs Reality

Just. In. A. Mood. To. Rant.

Love is to me not letting anyone bad mouth you or letting the one you love get the shorter end of the stick. (Instead of laughing along with others or turning a blind eye saying its none of your business.) Love to me is to make sacrifices for the person you love to be happy, because you don't want them to feel sad. Love to me is also not by using money, gifts and superficial means, instead, love to me is honest and straight forward like how we're like when we were kids, love is endless giving through words, attentiveness and thoughtfulness, love is never having to guess or ask for it. Love is being able to give 100% of my love and to be able to receive 120% back in return in order to keep the fire burning. The only fight I want in a relationship should only be fighting to show who loves who more.

"What can I do more to make her happy?"... "A wife should be doted on, whatever my wife says goes."... "In this entire lifetime, there's not even enough time for me to look at you, so why would i waste my time looking at others?" Attentive, doting, dependable, giving you a sense of security, trustworthy, thoughtful, affectionate, kind, honest, reliable, there for you when you need him (even when it's inconvenient), growth oriented (a guy who won't say it's your problem and this is the way he is and you need to deal with it). Someone that gives you emotional support when you had a rough day instead of giving you a matter of fact advice that might be useful but hurtful to you when he doesn't empathize with what you're going through or make you feel better.

Love to me is, even when the whole world was to go against you, I will fight against the whole world for you. Love to me is, if you are able to make me feel like your queen, I will do whatever it takes to make you a king.

My expectations are so high i'm never gonna get married Uwuuuu. LOL Just kidding. Can I just transverse into novel world or anime world. Been reading so many time travel novels these days, mostly about fighting and martial arts and hellawesome mecha fights! BUT the MLs are still husband material (even though it's not a pure romance novel) 

Men like that only appears in novels though.... or giving a benefit of doubt, maybe 0.01% in the entire universe...(#aka aliens) ._.

HAH. Goodbye.

A Low Quality Love is Inferior to a High Quality Solitude

Reading a huge amount of C-novels these days and its affecting my already non-existent social life.

Not that I mind.

Completed reading - Full Marks Hidden Marriage: Pick Up a Son, Get a Free Husband (许你万丈光芒好)

Currently reading - Ghost Emperor Wild Wife (鬼帝狂妻：纨绔大小姐) & Adorable Food Goddess (萌妻食神)

Love strong female leads + cold and aloof but behind-the-scene loyal and affectionate (Tsundere) male leads! 

And also like Tsunderes with a bit of child-like/innocent personality, those that gets overly protective and jealous easily when their MC gets 'stolen' by someone else, and makes a fuss about it. Those kinds are sooooooooo cute!! 

Men like that are everywhere in mangas and novels but not in real life, why??? Tchh.

Click to see → Why are Tsunderes so Attractive???

Narcissism, Manners and Etiquette

PMS days just makes me feel like shit. Why do people like to make fun of others knowledge and look down on others? Unfortunately, I'm feeling down today and need to release some pent up frustrations. Thank god I have a place to vent.

Was eating dinner yesterday when suddenly a subject popped up in the conversation and someone just said my head looks big and for some reason it was linked to a big head having a big brain but,,,,, why am I still so stupid? ... Here I am minding my own business eating my food and this happens.

'Supposedly' having a bigger brain is smarter So they tried to "prove it" by asking me math questions (I'm bad at math). Wow. Some people are just shit. *Roll eyes*

Did you know? : A big brain alone doesn't equate with smarts. If it did, elephants and sperm whales would win all the spelling bees. Rather, scientists look at brain mass relative to body mass in order to make any speculation about a creature's cognitive abilities....

....Sigh, sometimes I question who really are the idiotic ones. 

Empty vessels really makes the most noise... Don't blow your own horn unless you have what it takes ok? 

Tbh, I felt kinda hurt because of the sudden verbal abuse (due to pms) but 君子不計小人過 so instead of flaring up and replied lamely by saying math is not really important because we can't communicate in math. So why is being bad at math = stupid? We communicate in English, how about a 1 + 1 = Fuck you 2 / too?

Why are you calling me stupid with a smug better-in-math-than-you face?

I don't understand why was I attacked for no reason either. Your point?

What's your objective? To indulge in your own ego? 

To come across as “above others” or "obnoxious"?

Truth is, what I really wanted to say was at least I don't down on others that aren't academic smart and constantly condemn others. The amount of schadenfreude is disappointing.  

I guess "narcissism on the rise" is really true and belittling others to inflate their ego, play the classic “I hate drama” card and "I'll just apologize to stop this pointless argument because I cant never win your "logic" and in the end make the wronged person look bad as the main goal in mind.

“Some people try to be tall by cutting off the heads of others.”  

Honestly, who are you to say I'm stupid when some people can't even write a grammatically correct sentence. Not remembering lefts and right? Or differentiating her, him, he or she? We speak and read in English, not Math. We don't practice Math everyday but converse with English daily. The definition of stupid is said to be showing poor judgement or little intelligence, so who's to say I'm stupid if that's the case? Personally, I feel that one shouldn't act smart or show off because it becomes a double edge sword when you're wrong, making you look stupid instead. 

And all that bullshit ' treasure our relationship' and 'angel's logic' when you can't make a stand or state your point in an argument only to give up halfway. Are you like 5? At least 5 years old nowadays knows not to hurt people with words and giving pointless remarks just to make themselves look good...

Some people need to re-learn the concept of good manners the rules of etiquette to know how to be respectful and considerate of other people's feelings. Why am I getting hurt emotionally by the people I least expect?!!!! I need to grow up and harden my heart. 

Don't be that bad guy in novels that everyone loves to hate. 

有时候觉得自己一个人是否比较好，至少没有人能伤你的心。

我也不用认为了解你，但事实上是最不懂你心的人。

Where is my Yun Xiao or Lu Ting Xiao that will speak up for me when I'm getting bullied or made fun off? :(

- angelseah

SEVENTEEN DIAMOND EDGE EXPERIENCE JAKARTA ˉ̡̠̭̭”( ⑉¯ །། ¯⑉ )ˉ̡̠̭̭

Seventeen has the best reactions. Especially Mingyu. 

But I'm Hoshi.

23 September 2017 | DE JAKARTA 

#Throwbackpost #anotherlongpost

#jeonghanbiasedblogpost

Took the morning flight to Jakarta and saw a rainbow mid flight. Did you know a rainbow looks like this from the top? Tried to take a video of it but it didn't do justice to it, it's way prettier real life!

Met CherubiYJH (Jeonghan biased) for the first time and received a bunch of Jeonghan stuff that she made for giveaways. She looks like Hong Jin-Kyung, the funny tall one in Unnies Slam Dunk. Up till now, I still don't know her actual name LOL (っ- ‸ – ς)

정말 감사합니다 UNNIE !!

Took an Uber to our hotel and we went to collect our tickets after checking-in. I assumed we'd be able to simply show our order payment via phone's email and didn't print the emailed copy. Turns out... the staffs needed a physical copy -____-  Luckily, we managed to get our tickets after going back and forth + doing extra paperwork and hogging the queue damn burden.

FOOD TRUCKS were available in the waiting area, it's so cool because Singapore doesn't have stuff like that. Chanel was unimpressed with my fascinated expression though... Hehh. End note, we queued for 6 effing hours!!! (；￣д￣ .... Wtf.

Some local carats talked to us asking where we were from. They were hilarious and despite our language barrier we managed to communicate with korengish and followed each other on Instagram ;) Seventeen was having their rehearsal next door and everyone started singing along to their music, shouting fan chants and getting hyped. It was really nice meeting these lovely ladies and I hope we'd be able to see all of them in future SVT events!

Group photo ♥ ◡ ♥

 (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) 

Start of Diamond Edge World Tour in Jakarta 

Scoups came out from his usual place (right side of stage) while Chanel stuck out her fanboard waving it at him. He recognized her board and pointed straight toward us and waved happily. We were fangirling like "Omgiashu I think he remembered our board."

Scoups gave her another heart stopping fan-service during Mansae stage. He'd look straight ahead normally but this time he totally angled himself towards us! I was standing behind Chanel and took this for her (You're Welcome) His killer smile and tongue action, SO CUTE yet SO RUDE. The power of Choi Seung Cheol for real. Say what you may but a specially made fan board of Scoups with hot pink hair sticking out in the middle of the crowd is pretty hard to ignore #DelusionalOrNOT┌(▀Ĺ̯ ▀-͠ )┐

The pushing was helluva crazy! I heard people were fainting while some fell due to the extreme pushing. After the concert, Chanel says she's never ever going back there again LOL. My abs ached for a few days after that too -.-

Halfway though the concert SVT Staffs started giving fans packet water!! Like a gift from the heavens, a rainfall in a drought. ლ(ٱ٥ٱლ) I was extremely touched by Svt staffs, Seventeen cares for Carats and their staffs do the same. #fandomGoals.. Despite the many concerts I've been to, this is the first time staffs handed out free drinks during a concert. 

End-Ment !!

The reason Mingyu smirked and Scoups turned away smiling was because after Scoups did his signature sexy tongue out move and looked at Chanel, SHE FUCKING COPIED HIS TONGUE LICKING LIP ACTION RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM with a flirty/smirking Look! Both of them saw it and hence the "LOL WHAT-IS-THIS-GIRL-DOING SMILE/SMIRK IDK-HOW-TO-REACT LOOK" I'm proud of my bff. Bet she's the only one can do this without any reservations whatsoever. #SuperShameless LOL

Jeonghan seemed unwell. He was great nevertheless, acting cute and smiley throughout. During end-ment my poor baby's flu worsen, his eyes were watery and a little bit reddish. I saw him staring into space with his mouth opened, keeping his eyes closed and using his mouth to breath. He even wiped his nose on his sleeves a few times Lol. Despite all, he still smiled and nodded to his fans. There was a moment he was stoned for so long I thought my phone hanged (ó﹏ò｡)

Bff asked Scoups whether Jeonghan was feeling alright 

"정한이 괜찮아요? 어디아파요??" 

Scoups just looked at Jeonghan and they didn't talked much.

But, Jeonghan fan-service is still No. #1.. 

Saw his eyes shifted and at the very moment his eyes met mine, his strong and unwavering gaze pierced through my soul, stealing my breath away as I stared unfaltering back, wondering what's going through his mind. Hesitatingly I followed up with a nod as we smiled at each other at the same time. A smile and eyes which conveyed this feeling, saying "Thank you for liking me." A smile same as my fanboard, the smile that I love.

"A smile is not genuine unless the eyes smile too, 

and words mean nothing unless the eyes speak them too."

And perhaps, to him, this wasn't enough to enrapture my entire being, he made a heart out of confetti making sure I saw his "Love" before looking away with an unmistakably pleased smile. Whist nearly dropping my phone, I thought, "Is this for real? This boy is not good for my heart."

Sad to say this is all but a sad half written fairytale...

Get more rest Yoon Jeonghan. Thank you for giving me an experience to remember. Take care, eat plenty, hope you look better when I see you in SG. Gonna to be the FIRST to wish you Happy Birthday! Just you wait ;)

Rare Gyuhan Moment

   

“Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die tomorrow”.

   

*All Diamond Edge gifs / pics are taken by me. Please re-upload with credit*

Bye Bye!

*Read Diamond Edge Bangkok : Here*

FIRST EVA KOREA TRIP

11 Days in Korea, Dec 2017

Singapore to Korea

Watched Kubo and the Two Strings followed by Cars 3 on flight, both "cartoons", but I can't stop my love for animation films. Also, Kubo's art and the amount of effort taken to make this film using stop-motion deserves a hell lot of recognition. Cars 3 made me cry when flashbacks of the past Cars 1 and 2 appeared on screen. It depicts the fears and bitterness of becoming old and getting replaced, it taught me that glory days doesn't last forever and having something good to remember is all that it matters. Really heartwarming ;)

Reached Incheon airport at 10+ pm, took a 45 minutes airport line subway to Hongik Station and walked to our Airbnb. Weather wasn't as cold as I expected, but the roads in Korea are not meant for pushing a luggage!! Lost a wheel on the way. Liying says every country I go I'd lost a wheel there ._.

Tip of the day: Always check that your station has a lift / escalator and stay near the station.

Ewha Womens University / Sinchon + Tattoo @playgroundtattoo

Woke up and went to meet up with Harris for brunch! He brought us to a Chicken Stew place and we ordered 2 ginormous dish with rice followed by yummy bubble tea. I ordered hot milk tea with pearl because it's my to-go drink whenever I'm cold. Didn't know their hot was at 100*c boiling point and burnt my tongue and everything I ate was less flavorful after that. ggwp. 

Standard Tourist Shot @ Ewha Girl's University

Headed to Playground Tattoo after that to get our tattoos done. Came across this tattoo parlor on Instagram with lots of followers garnering my attention because of their fine drawing lines and minimalist black-white art style. 

It didn't hurt at all, not even an ant's bite. The feeling's similar to using a ball pen to write on your hand. Maybe it's their technology, maybe it's at the body part that's not painful? Definitely gonna go back to Korea for tattoos next time. Not very expensive compared to Hong Kong. 

Running Man Themematic Park + N Seoul Tower + Hello Kitty + Ssentoy

Bought our tickets via klook for convenience. Running man themepark was really fun! We played many RM games such as screaming into the mic. A korean staff came up to me to ask if i need help, I replied in my beginner korean and she said i sounded like a local :D (Is it that means I can marry Jeonghan) HAHA I can dream. 

N Seoul Tower was so damn cold, we went up; took pictures and came down OTL. Chanel & Winson walks very fast, I need time to take pictures man! Can relax? 

Gangnam: Kpop Star Road + FNC + JYP + SM + Pledis + Coex Mall + Casino

Won few hundred bucks of pocket money in big/small !! I got so stressed up guessing and stopped playing so harris took my spot and won quite a few hundreds too. He says to look at the dragon, I was winning (hence the dragon line thingy), so he continued my dragon and won too. I'm goddess luck, always bless people around me but not myself. Rage

MBC Hallyu Theme Park + Mapo Agricultural Market + Han River 

Strawberry Farm + Nami Island + Petit France + Morning of Garden Calm

Coldest weather experienced. NEVER wear sport shoes, Chanel ALMOST froze her toes at Morning of Garden Calm. The garden lightings were glorious but the winter wind no give chance. Good to experience ONCE and never again :/

Pro tip: Look for Campfirep place at Nami Island. I kid you not, you need it to heal your HP (just like in TERA). 

Bear Town Ski Resort

We came, We fell, We didn't conquered.

Chose snowboarding because SVT snowboarding in "OFD Japan" looked fun and easy. Well, SORRY it's not !!! My butt hurts my back hurts T^T Why Jeonghan so pro, he really is super athletic despite always acting like a lazy slob. 

Hanbok + Gyeongbokgung Palace + Tosokchon Ginseng Chicken + FNC WOW Cafe

TBC. 

MBC Gayo Daejun 2017

Slept till noon and had lunch nearby our airbnb. By far the best 'Korean' meal I had! Their food and shop interior had a homely feel to it. It you like 'home-cooked' food, you'd like this.

Fairly simple, but very delicious.

Made our way to MBC, a 1 hour + journey to try our luck and see if we could get tickets for Gayo Daejun Festival! We read online that there will be people selling tickets at the venue and tbh, it's all a lie. I guess unless you're Korean or know how to speak intermediate Korean, you won't be able to buy tickets that easily. We can't even differentiate who's selling extra tickets, fans and sellers all looked the same.

Found SEVENTEEN's queue line because Carats were wearing Dynafit's winter coat :D We went and ask some fans how do we get tickets and they told us we had to apply online and get a 'queue number' but we were too late damn... I was feeling quite intimidated because firstly, we don't look Korean. Secondly, the one leading the queue didn't look very friendly..

Weather was getting colder by evening so we went to a 7-11 inside MBC's building and sat there to warm ourselves. There was a stage right outside the 7-11 so we assumed that 1 of Gayo Daejun's stage would be this. Found out that there were many 'stages' for Gayo Daejun and some stages had bee pre-recorded and SVT was one of them. Halfway through we heard some rehearsal going on and....it was BTS's REHEARSAL!!! We aren't allowed to take any videos, but I managed to sneak in a little snippet in Instagram before the guard stopped us. 

After the rehearsal, we went back into the 7-11 to lie low and went out to join the crowd when Gayo Daejun went live. I don't think we were allowed to watch and everyone had their wrist tags except us. Nobody chased us out either so we ended up watching Gayo Daejun for FREE :D Managed to catch Pristine & Gfriend LIVE. We could have waited for other groups and BTS was scheduled at the end, but it was getting late so we went back to our airbnb. LOL. Army friends gonna rage saying "YOU CAN WATCH BTS LIVE FOR FREE BUT YOU WENT HOME?!?! WTFBBQ " #sorrybuticameforSeventeenkk

End, angelseah :) 

Late Night Thoughts

Feeling drained recently and work has been giving me a massive headache. Helping a colleague at work that doesn't know how to do anything. Also, problems with shipping arrived earlier and I don't know how to break this bad news to my boss. He ain't gonna like it and it's gonna be on me even though it's not really my fault. There's also a huge pile of work not done on my part and there's only 2 weeks left till Chinese New Year!! Ah... its hard... T^T...*Deep breaths* But I can do this... one step at a time. Focus.

I think I've lived my life long enough to learn how to bury emotional pain and conceal hurt, because acting indifferent or nonchalant feels easier. I do wish for someone who can truly understand my way of expressing feelings though, someone whom I can talk to without getting shut-down in between or pegging my rant as something not worth getting stressed up and upset about. Sadly, I have yet to meet one. It's also depressing that everyone puts my "angel logic" down too, making it a bad thing and not bothering to understand where I'm coming from either... Instead I laugh it off and honestly, it's kinda despondent. Everyone only "thinks" that they understand me but I'm just misunderstood. 

Trying to stay positive... putting up a strong front everyday... and acting like everything's alright even though I'm on the verge of breaking down. Sometimes I ask myself... shouldn't i be used to it by now? People are always thinking for themselves. Selfish. After all, it's been 25 years...

People see me as someone that has no stress, no worries, no commitments or concerns whatsoever. But that's not true. Overall, I just look like a happy go lucky kid not because I am, but because I try my best to be. To be a good person in this very corrupted and judgmental world. It's hard, but at least I try.

Someone asks why don't I rant on twitter, facebook or Instagram like everyone else? Well, my reason is simple: I don't want to spread negative feelings to others. There's too much hate and flaming going on these days and rants like this are pointless because nothing is gonna change. I don't want to seem like someone who is constantly dissatisfied and always has something to complain about. It's not worth it anyway.

Cheers~
angelseah signing off.

Resolutions For 2018

Reminder to myself:

1. To give more than receive, to give without expecting anything in return. It's not easy to be honest. There is always this tiny bit of hope inside of me wishing that people will reciprocate... but it's sad to know that people these days only prioritise happiness for themselves and not for others. And If everyone insists on receiving without giving, then who would each person receive from? 

2. Only say good things, give more compliments, say thank you more instead of always saying sorry. Help people willingly and never put others down. Don't judge and criticise people on how they look, because no one likes being called dark, fat or ugly. Even if you think of it, don't speak of it, because it just makes you look bad.

3. Accept that not everyone is the same. What good you've done for others, don't expect that they will do the same for you. Understand that people are all for themselves at the end of the day. Don't count on people remembering what good you have done for them or even think that they will return their gratitude and most people are selfish or blinded by money.

4. Don't let negative words or actions affect you and never let emotions get the better you. It's not easy when my mum communicates by scolding and shouting. Take a deep breath, don't argue back because it's not worth it. Hugging your pillow and frustrate yourself to sleep works too.

5. Be content with what you already have and appreciate the simple things in life. Do what's right, not because you should, but because you want to. Even when everyone around you is spreading negativity, complaining about life, being angry, unhappy, troubled, depressed, remember to not be the same, instead spread love, happiness and remember to give thanks everyday regardless how big or small.

Good luck for 2018, Fighting!

SEVENTEEN DIAMOND EDGE EXPERIENCE BANGKOK ˉ̡̠̭̭”( ⑉¯ །། ¯⑉ )ˉ̡̠̭̭”

Today marks the end of Seventeen's 1st World Tour.

Don't know about Chanel but my post concert depression is real T____T Feeling emotional....and thinking back, it's been helluva journey flying to Bangkok and then to Jakarta and winning free VIP tickets for Diamond Edge in Singapore. Having mixed feelings between happy and sad because firstly I'm in need of some rest and secondly, I miss Jeonghan already... o(╥﹏╥)

Received quite an amount of fan service from Svt ever since they recognized our fan-board from Bangkok! Didn't expect any fan service at all since it's our first time seeing them and vice versa. I hope Jeonghan still remembers my fanboard the next time I see him.

05 August, 2017 | DE BANGKOK !!

The queue to enter the concert was according to our ticket number so we were able to walk around the venue before the show starts. There were tons and tons of booths selling fan-made merchandises (Holy SVT Heaven!!!). I wanted to buy EVERYTHING. They had hologram T-shirts with the different members name on it, fan pickets both glam and meme-face ones, carat bongs, caps, bags, toys, photocards, keychains, hairbands, posters, badges and a pillowcase with a friggin huge Jeonghan face on it. Chanel ended up buying a hologram Scoups T-shirt, Scoups name hairband, Scoups nametag for her caratbong. We shared jeongcheol fan pickets and I obviously bought the Jeonghan pillowcase. ＼(((￣(￣(￣▽￣)￣)￣)))／ﾔｯﾀｰ!

Photo-op wall + our fanboard #JEONGCHEOL #Heart

Stood at the 2nd row from main stage and we felt like giants! The concert hall only held 5500 fans? So it felt a little bit like a private event to me. Luckily we didn't wear heels or we'd be looking so out of place like pillars. Felt apologetic to the other fans...Chanel couldn't give two hoots about it since we're already wearing sneakers LOL and actually Jeonghan likes cute-petite girls with short hair. Sadly I'm neither T^T *cries*

Opening Stage

Chanel waved her board when Scoups came out and he looked surprised to see such a huge fanboard lol smiled at her waving happily hahaha. There were not many Scoups and Jeonghan fans but loads of Hoshi fans around us so Scoups gave Chanel one of the most heart shattering fan service ever!!! He stared directly at her for at least 5 seconds, gave her a smexy look, threw a wink paired with his iconic smile. Rude (ヾﾉ꒪ཫ꒪ )(ヾﾉ꒪ཫ꒪ )(ヾﾉ꒪ཫ꒪ ) 

Jeonghan's fan service! Finally spotted my fanboard during Vocal Team's stage! ﾍ(=￣∇￣) He waved to his fansites a lot and also to Thai carats that kept screaming his name. Gahh, he's so good to his fans!! He is unbelievably good looking in real life and he's gaining even more popularity after cutting his long hair!!! ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

End Talk Stage

Scoups and Jeonghan saw our fanboard and kept glancing towards us after whispering to each other, acting shy and laughing at some inside joke as well. Bff say's they are gossiping about us......Must.not.be.delusional.

   
Scoups nodding his head and smiling in response to her mouthing "Happy Birthday Scoups" to him and throwing him a heart. JH noticed too. because someone stealing his man.

JEONGCHEOL MOMENTS!

Jeonghan looking at us after Scoups hit him because Chanel kept asking Scoups for some Jeongcheol fan service but both of them were too shy to give. ㅠ_ㅠ

Chanel told me that Mingyu was looking at us a lot but I was more focused on Jeonghan. Poor boy was standing in front of us and maybe he wanted some of our attention? So I turned to the front and snapped a picture of him. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

#1 Bias Wreaker Mingyu

Looking pleased that I gave him some attention.

Calling him Puppy Gyu.

Jeonghan keeps glancing into the cam looking all shy and SO CUTE!! Arms were starting to ache from recording so I "back-hugged" Chanel to rest my arms while she continued waving to Scoups and blocking my fancam. P.s Svt low key liking girl-to-girl skinships lmao｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

Jeonghan thank you speech to us!!

Guessing he said something about carats because both Scoups and Jeonghan looked at us after that and many fans were screaming. BUT I'M SORRY!! WE DON'T UNDERSTAND KOREAN NOR THAI !! ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ

No #1 Reason to go to a concert that speaks your language

Thai fans also organised a surprise for Scoups as it was also his birthday that day. During a song we all held up slogans in Korean that wrote "Scoups ya~ Happy Birthday" and he was so happy and thankful for it and kept thanking us all throughout the entire song.

Received a heart racing fan service from Jeonghan!!! (ΦωΦ) He was hiding behind Seungkwan and suddenly stuck his tongue out to lick his lips while looking into my camera! ~!@#$%^&*()_+ He threw a cheeky smile after that. Satisfied with his own fan service. Feeling attacked. 

Hi-Touch Session

My ticket no.109 got chosen for Hi-Touch but Chanel didn't get picked. I wanted to sell my Hi-Touch ticket away because I felt sad for her but she told me to not be an IDIOT and GO because if she won the Hi-Touch, she won't feel sad for me at all and would probably flaunt her ticket to me everyday -_- Yeah okay....

Luckily she's my bff aka. the only love hate relationship I can appreciate

Hi-Touch Afterthoughts:

1. Everyone tells me that we won't be able to remember every member and everything will happen really quickly. IT'S DAMN TRUE.

2. I'm really really not good with 1-to-1 meetings and Hi-Touch is officially one of them.

Expectations: Speak calmly to every member, praise their performance and whatnot.

Reality: GAHHHHASJKBADOINOSKDJL...HI!!! (fml)

Remembered: The8 was first, he waved and smiled cutely. Then Woozi was next, he just smiled / nodded and I don't remember who's next in line but Mingyu was smiling widely with eyes opened hella big and he didn't Hi-5 my hand, he grabbed my hand and gave a big squeeze while caressing it ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄-⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ I was already walking to next member and he's still holding my hand Lol (Bias wrecker!!!)... Remembered Vernon because I TRIPPED on the damn barricade that was sticking out and he GRABBED MY HAND halfway through the Hi-5 and pulled me backwards, saving me from falling face flat onto the floor. (He's surprisingly strong(?) because I'm not exactly light) I also made an 'eek' sound when I tripped and some members turned to look (FMLX3333) Vernon said "Hey!! Be careful~!" quite loudly too. Geh, I'm so embarrassed but thanks for saving me.. I spoke gibberish to Scoups (wanted to say my friend loves you and she says Happy Birthday) I was kinda flustered after Vernon and my mind wasn't working really well. 

Finally, I SAW JEONGHAN and SAID SARANGHAE and ran away because I'm a fool. (He was the last one in line too!) I'm so awkward in situations like this. I should have stood in front of Jeonghan and stare at him until the guards chased me away. I should have petted his head and praise him for his awesome performance today. I should introduce myself and tell him how much I love him. But I need more courage. I need to quickly master my Korean language. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

Went to their Hotel to see them off before they left for the airport and while waiting we made a new thai-carat friend who is a Mingyu stan. Seventeen came down in 2 lifts and Jeonghan was wearing all white with black mask. They stood at the lift lobby for awhile and moved out together in a group. We said and waved goodbyes and they looked really tired.

After that I found out from their "Going Seventeen" vlive that they were playing around at the hotel's pool earlier. That explains why they were so tired. Lol. At least they are happy. 

*All Diamond Edge gifs / pics are taken by me. Please re-upload with credit*

Bye Bye!

*Read Diamond Edge Jakarta : Here*