My love life's a mess #2

Received your contact request from skype, accepted it and then felt like blocking you again. Every time I log into skype, I see our last argument that caused this break up and re-reading it reminded me why breaking up was the right thing to do. I was seething with anger at that time because it wasn't the first time such thing happened and you still gave excuses, tried to argued back, even better, not a "i'm sorry" until 3(?) weeks later. 

Thoughts:

I can't bring myself to be someone that is able to be heartless to an ex, but talking to him like how a friend would (as compromised), DOES NOT mean that I'm giving him a chance. Sigh, what should I do? I don't want to hurt him again and it also hurts me to have to repeat myself so many times.. Why do I feel that he just doesn't understand that there's absolute zero chances of us getting back together? Am I giving false hopes? I'm sorry for the misled. It's frustrating when he's still persistent about 'getting me back' even after I have made it clear to him I'd rather just be friends or none at all. I thought I didn't have to repeat myself but recent actions made me feel like my efforts of making things clear went down the drain, if it continues I'm starting to think that we'd be better off as strangers. To make things worse, our friends still thinks we'll get back together, encouraging us to patch and all. Stop it already... 

Don't promise a future friendship

Definitely don't tell him that you can still be friends because you could mislead him into thinking he has another chance. Men claim they can handle it but deep down think, “Great, I still have time to change her mind.” or “Maybe she’ll come around if we just keep hanging out.” And that’s not a true friendship.These guys will hang around and pretend to be your friend. When you get involved with someone else, they flip out or try to sabotage your connection. They’re angry that you “used” them when in reality, you were just being a friend. It’s best just to move on.

My love life's a mess #1

I'm bad at love. Romance stories and playing otome love games are cool but when comes to own love life, it's a mess. 

Christmas presents arrived early this year and I received Haikyuu!! Tsukishima's Nendoroid (not cheap) from two different guys, one a friend whom I've know for years ( and the other, an ex. Thoughts like "is this an obligation gift or his declaration of love?", "Should I ask? Can I accept it? What should I do if it's a declaration of love? Please be an obligation gift." Ugh, why does things like this always happen to me. 

I'm a bundle of nerves when rejecting someone, I can't handle an awkward social situation well at all and maybe it's the anxiety or tension, my head hurts like mad after that. Stuffs like this stresses me out af. It's difficult for me to speak the truth when I know it's going to hurt the other party, and saying "i'm just not psychically attracted to you and I'm not exactly feeling it you know?" is not easy for me.

Either way, I always feel emotionally shitty, guilty and terrible sorry after, so I'd appreciate that he would take a hint and don't ask the d-question at all.

Warning: DO NOT put your hand on my thigh (or anywhere else below my shoulders) ever again during a movie. Unless you are my boyfriend, you're invading my comfort zone.

First Semester Final Examinations D;

Studio Ghibi's Piano collection playing in the background, perfect lighting and air-con for studying... the little things in life that makes me feel blessed. I might not be rich and neither am i perfect but i want to live my life how i want it to be. & Although life can be tough sometimes, we gotta smile, stay strong, start being positive and happiness will come knocking on your door. 

Quote from a manga i'm currently reading:

"No matter how tough life might be, or how much it hurts, if you want to be happy, put a smile on your face...Otherwise, happiness will slip away. That's why we have to smile"

Live with no room for regrets, angelseah.

Another anecdote

Finally a day at work that I don't have "shitstuff " to do and have my 'me' time to myself :D

Currently in the office, both bosses aren't around and I'm hoping they won't arrive anytime soon. Taking this free time I have to blog my thoughts because I've been so busy at work these days that there's no time for me to blog or do anything worthwhile anymore, there's no time for me to even shop! Sighh... I need my dose of shopping. First, I need a new phone. and a new camera, and a new computer.

Didn't get to sleep well last night because of the day-1-cramps and had to wake up at 4am just to down some pills in order to sleep better. It helped a little, but sleeping at 4am doesn't make me feel any less tired.

I want to go home to sleep and travel a year back when I can work part time events and do whatever I want all. the. time. Going out in the afternoon, spending the entire day doing something worthwhile and sleeping at anytime I want. That's life.

But... I guess only with money, I'll then be able to do the things I want. and right now, I want to go on a long holiday around the world, shop, take lots of beautiful pictures and sleep. AND NO MORE WORK! Gehhh, I don't hate this job, but neither do I love it. 

I think I'm meant to be a lazy fat cat that eats and sleep all day.
Maow. angelseah.

Thoughts about Twenty-one

Suddenly I'm afraid.. afraid of being 21 and living in this atypical world. I want to carry on living my life blithe and carefree, but there's just too much things to be stressed and be concerned of that I can't possibly think like a kid anymore. That little voice in my head telling me to do what I have to do, I can't make mistakes.. I hate the idea of being an adult, the idea of losing all my innocence. I need to be stronger. 

If I die tomorrow will I regret not doing the things I didn't do? 

I do ask myself this every now and then, but my answer is always the same.

- I have no regrets.

I feel that if I'll regret not doing what I want, I'll do it no matter what and put it as a priority. Don't regret the choices you choose to make, whether good or bad. All the possibilities in this world, why live with regrets when it comes down to the choices we make for ourselves..right? 

A little bird once asked me, 

Why do we live? The answer left an impact though it didn't really surprised me. 

And guess what? We live, not to work and provide for the family, not to enjoy the pleasures in life, not to study and get a good income job, not to make friends not to love but....in actual fact, we live.. 

... to die.

Cheers people,
angelseahx3

Summer Birthday

Chalet ☑ Cake ☐ BBQ ☐

 Venue | Costa Sands Pasir Ris Chalet | Start | 6 pm | Theme | deciding | Dinner | 6 pm | Cake Cutting | 11pm | Midnight Movie | Bowling | 12pm | Supper | 3 pm

Gonna be 21 in less than 3 weeks.. can't say I'm excited but rather hopeful that everything will go well on that day. Have to learn to be less angsty these days to not ruin every happy celebration :|
 

I want to take this time to thank all the people who have helped me in my life, no amount of thank you(s) are enough to express my gratefulness. My family, love and friends, those who stayed and left...that made be believe that there are somethings worth living for ❤

 

Sincerly, angelseah

Thoughts

Do you ever just want to pack up and leave out of the blue without saying anything to anyone and just leave to start a life anew? Sick and tired of expecting change, knowing that things will always be the same.

 

Project Executive's work is tough, I do want to persevere and make the best out of this learning process of life. But just how can I do my best when there's nothing for me to hang on to; & the saddest part is people don't know how I truly feel, masked behind this act of phony.

 

Gonna try working for 1 more month,

at best, 7 more months. Who knows?

Hopefully things will get better.

 

I need a long break from this madness. I want to do something cracracrazyyy, to spice up thy life. Like bungee jumping, skydiving, shark diving, paranormal investigating, learning biking, parkour, I need that adrenaline rush.

 

Cheers,

angelseah

Oh man oh man oh mannn,

We laugh.
We cry.
What am I feeling right now,
all i can do is sigh.
See that's the thing about having a new job.

In less than 10 hours time..
D; Haiyoyoyoyoyo

/. Update !

Plans to Korea are starting to work out, :D 

Got accepted by Comtrac to be Glenn's "Personal Assistant" starting 4th, & basically just to help lessen his workload from now. It'll be stressful & tough but I hope I can must persevere. Looking forward to this full time job and I've got to really learn all that I can here. 

So, Fighting!
angelseah

Expectations , Disappointments

It really disheartens me to see people that prove worthy to me get engulfed by failure & end up ruining themselves just because of one minor setback in life. Going back on their words/promises really makes one disgusted. Thank you for letting me see who's real & who's not. That is probably why people fails my test every. single. time. 

Not for me, but yourself.

Good day
- angelseah

Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.

Take care whenever, the path might seem long so stay strong. I'm afraid of change, afraid that people will change into everything they said they'll never be. That's why i'm forgiving, forgetting & letting go of hurt, because I understand people makes mistakes & to take one as a friend, I forgive the unforgivable. 

Sorry may has become just another word.

-& life goes on,
peace out

Remember December

It is difficult to find a steady friend these days, having someone to hang out with no strings attached. Everybody is changing & I feel like I am the only one getting out of touch, slowly falling behind.

Those short times we had together, circuitously I know that I am not that one for you. That's how I really feel, call me a hypocrite but I didn't mean to deceive, life is too short for negativity so move on for better things in life that worth your attention and time.

Thoughts,

Goodbye.

Quote of the day

Don't push away the people who truly care about you, because one day, you will push them away, and they won't come back. -Blackalogy

My bottom line.

Moving on

Will there be a day when people stop envying other people? About how they're constantly feeling envious and depressed about everything and their lives are so imperfect... when they don't realize how fortunate they really are to have 'somethings' that people in this world are dying to have. Take a look at other 3rd world countries for example.

I hear a lot of spite, envy & complains on people who put others down, or people who put themselves down. There will always be that one ungrateful person who cannot be contented with how they're living & sadly, that person will never truly be happy.

Amen,
angelseah♥ 

BEAUTY IN THE EYES

I have been thinking long & hard that I would like to get my double eye lids done next year in Korea. Asking myself am I being too greedy to want this much? Everyone says my single-eye lids are nice because they are big enough. But I am only asian Lol.

Set my mind to it for awhile now, 50% yes maybe? I don't know... What if I regret?

Listen to your own voice, your own soul. 
Too many people listen to the noise of the world, 
only to end up forgetting themselves.

21st Resolution: 

Tattoo!!!!

Yay, Nay?

Motivation

Time to plan out my resolution for year 2013, I always think it's just a year, number of days, as long as I am breathing and living up everything it'll be okay. In a blink of an eye, people around me has gone on with their lives after high school while I have nothing accomplished. 

I don't want to be that useless person in the society, I want to be able to earn my keep in life to have a comfortable future. I know that if I continue lazing around like how I've been in the past 2 years, I would, sadly be that useless person I don't want to be. Too late to cry over spilled milk & what's planned in time to come i hope to achieve. Bachelor of Business majoring in Marketing & Tourism, tough but i must persevere.

Alas,
Time really flies,
Youth,
only one period of time,
that I can never have it back

Love, angelseah

WANT FABULOUS..//

Guess what.

I've got a new addiction for arcade. Bishi bashi and jubeat.. oh dear. I know it's a waste of money & I'm supposed to get a job, save up plenty of money, invest and maybe get back even more. So i can live the dream of becoming a "Tai Tai", stay home all day and do whatever i want to! Damn goals. Totally awesome. 

I know i should hurry and start giving my parents allowance instead of them providing for me too. AND I'm know i'm also supposed to start my degree but i'm just not the study type alright?! Maybe I'll work part time & get some experience first..... Ughhhhhh!

"I need something inspiring to help me get along. 

I need a little fabulous is that so wrong?!!" 

- Sharpay Evans. 

This songs fits my thoughts perfectly.
I'm behaving like a brat. Just stop.

Oh. &HAPPY BIRTHDAY XANDER !
BE HONORED. (You better be or else!!)

Signing off.